In the eyes of many parents, [making friends with children] is the best answer to parent-child relationship.
It’s true that parents and their children become friends, lower their profile, listen to their children’s opinions and respect their choices, but don’t misunderstand the meaning of establishing a relationship with children. Parent-child relationship is much more complicated than friendship.
[hello, I’m good, everyone] Friends are by no means the end-result of parent-child relationship. In fact, parents need to do much more than friends.
I think to be friends with children is to be undisciplined.
If parents treat their children as friends, they will easily fall into the erroneous zone of “not being disciplined”.
I have a brother who is ten years older than me, and his daughter is almost ten years older than my son.
He is the person who adheres to the concept of “being friends with children” and never speaks heavily when raising children.
Criticism of her daughter is always downplayed, not to mention what discipline and punishment.
On one occasion, her daughter secretly moved the money her mother put in the drawer in order to buy tickets for a singer’s concert. When my brother found out, he didn’t even say that she was what, but said, “If you have no money, you can ask us, don’t do this.”
Naturally, his daughter did not take this light criticism to heart, nor did she feel that she had done what wrong.
Asked why he didn’t point out the child’s mistakes, he always used [to be friends with the child] to make careless remarks and said something like [not to hurt the child’s self-esteem].
Over time, I found that he was really taking the child as a friend, but the child took him as a [fool].
He is a big old man who is a father and has no sense of authority in his children’s hearts.
At the same time, due to his years of [poor supervision], when he felt that he should be in charge, he found that he could not:
When the child is a teenager and there are some behaviors that need special discipline, the authority of the parents has expired.
The parent-child relationship has become a friend relationship, and the authority of parents has collapsed. It is easy for children to [know what is wrong after making mistakes, and do not correct what is wrong after making mistakes]. It may not be a big deal when they are young, but if the child really makes a big mistake, will he still have to pay for his own behavior in the end?
Friends have no obligation to point out their children’s mistakes, but parents do.
Parents need to give timely discipline and guidance when their children make mistakes to prevent their children from running further and further.
Some studies have proved that the most favorable parent-child relationship for children’s growth is actually a [authoritative] relationship.
This kind of relationship is not rigid [parents say what children are what] authoritarian education, but parents have high and stable requirements for their children and high and stable support for their children’s behavior.
I think to be friends with children is not to ask for it.
It is easy for parents to lose the spirit of demanding from their children by being friends with their children.
At present, many families attach importance to cultivating interests and hobbies for their children from an early age, but sometimes children are tired, tired and give up after studying for a few days.
Parents also deal with it with the attitude of “it is good for children to be happy” and promise their children:
[Forget it, we’ll learn something else next time.]
But parents who have demands on their children will never do so.
A while ago, Hu Ke posted a video of Angie practicing piano on his microblog. In the picture, Angie cried and said:
[I can’t play well, I can’t play well, I just can’t play well…] Hu Ke thought, [it’s over, today’s piano practice can’t continue.]
Unexpectedly, Angie, who complained for two sentences, wiped away tears, patted the stool with both hands and said, “I must play well today!” ], continue to cry and play.
The achievement of all talents is bound to go through a boring and difficult time. The child is still young and it is easy to fade off the heat for three minutes. At this time, parents need to ask the child, encourage the child and be the guide for the child.
As Hu Ke said in his microblog, [we don’t need to persist in certain perfect results, but we need to have persistent character].
We can’t have demands on our friends, but parents must have expectations for their children.
[The sea and the air jump by fish, and the sky is high for birds to fly] is by no means a correct view of nurturing.
As adults, we have more knowledge, experience and ability reserves than children, so we should do our work well.
If parents do not ask and support their children when they want to give up, it is actually the greatest waste of their children’s talents.
I think to be friends with children is to let children [have the final say]
Another big misunderstanding of [making friends with children] is to let children have the final say in what.
We should give our children room to choose, but we must not throw all the choices to him.
My friend once asked me a question before the child went to the parent-child class: Should the child choose the parent-child class by himself?
A friend is a person who respects his children very much. Although his children are only 3 years old, he often lets them make decisions about themselves. Therefore, he took his children to experience the activities of two parent classes and wanted him to make his own choices.
A family class is far away from home and it is not very convenient to pick up and drop off. It is Chinese teaching. There is also a bilingual teaching that is only five minutes away from home.
After experiencing, children prefer the atmosphere of the parent class far away.
At this time, my friend was confused, because he was more inclined to send his children to the nearer parent class, which made it more convenient to transport them to and from work.
[Should I respect the baby’s own opinions or make a choice that is more beneficial to me? ]
This question is actually very easy to answer: a child, just a child, does not have the ability to analyze complex problems.
He may like this family today because the journey is further and more fresh. He will like this family closer if he goes around tomorrow and goes to the parent class closer.
Therefore, parents should still make decisions on such issues.
Friends have no obligation to help you make choices, but we have to check on children’s choices.
In fact, it is better for parents to determine a general [selection interval] for their children.
For example, it is still the problem of parent-child classes. Parents first choose three parent-child classes that are relatively close to home and have no great difference in conditions, and then children choose according to their experiences and preferences.
This not only takes care of the children’s initiative, but also ensures to a large extent that the choice is safe and reliable enough.
There are still many problems like this.
For example, ask the child, do you like this community or that community, do you think we should give you another younger brother or sister, etc. These questions are not suitable for the child to make decisions.
Parents and children need to have friends’ respect and recognition when they get along with each other. However, the relationship between parents and children must not be equal to that of friends.
Parents should discipline their children when they make mistakes.
Children are discouraged and parents should encourage them.
Children want to give up, parents should urge;
When children make choices, parents should check on them.
Friends are easy to do, but parents are difficult to do.
As parents, we should do our best to raise our children into a happy person, a respected person and a person willing to be friends with them.
This is our responsibility. There is a long way to go, but we are happy.