You must have seen such a scene:
The children shouted loudly in public, and their parents coaxed them humbly instead of stopping them in time.
When a group of children were playing, the children robbed other people’s toys, but the parents felt that their children were [very powerful];
The word [doting], which is equated with Xiong Haizi, also makes us feel worried and scared as parents and reminds us not to fall into the vicious circle of doting on our children.
However, most of the time, we also dote on our children unconsciously. When the baby comes, we devote our whole heart to their joys and sorrows. Under the surging father’s love and mother’s love, it is very likely that there will be some excessive care and protection.
You know, the essence of doting is parents’ excessive support and protection. How can children accustomed to being protected and supported face the baptism of wind and rain outside?
Why don’t you take a look at these [doting behaviors]? Will Mom and Dad take their seats accordingly?
1. Pleasant parents
When you go to the toy city, you often see such pictures:
The child refused to let go with a favorite toy, and the mother explicitly refused at the beginning: “there are already many in the family, this cannot be bought.”
However, after the child’s mood came up, he smoked and clicked with grievance, his eyes were full of tears, and he was unwilling to leave. When the mother saw the child crying, she immediately panicked. It was not a very expensive toy. When she was a child, she might have experienced the sadness of whether she wanted to buy it or not, and immediately took the bill.
After buying it, the child played happily, while the mother breathed a sigh of relief and comforted herself, [toys are not too expensive anyway, baby happiness is more important than what! ]
I know how mothers feel, perhaps in their childhood, they lack such care. Perhaps it is the love for children and I don’t want to see any disappointment and tears from them.
In fact, in such a small [game], children get their favorite toys, but they will gradually develop the mentality that I am the central figure and must meet my needs.
Mothers inadvertently nourish their children’s self-centeredness. It is difficult to communicate and communicate when there are contradictions, and it is also difficult to understand their interaction with others.
2. Highly responsive parents
In fact, I have seen the most highly responsive parents, and there is really only a little difference between this and doting.
For example, when I attended a parent-child garden party, I saw a little girl running too fast and fell down, and my mother immediately picked her up. [Does the baby hurt or not, does she not cry or cry, and my mother looked at whether she hurt her knee…] In fact, the little girl’s first reaction was to see where her little partner had gone, and she didn’t even realize that falling down would hurt.
However, mothers’ overreaction to [minor setbacks] will make children less likely to exercise themselves. Especially when mothers are not around, the complexity and diversity of life may make children unable to cope with and grow up quickly.
However, children’s language ability, self-regulation ability, emotional control ability and so on all need to be practiced over and over again [setbacks]. Therefore, let’s relax a little.
3. Transactional parents
Whether it’s parent-child programs such as < < Mom is Superman > >/< < Dad is back > >, or in our daily life, Mom and Dad can easily become [transactional parents].
When the children don’t want to eat, their parents patiently said to them [watch TV/go out to play after the meal. The effect is still obvious. The child finished the meal immediately without any delay.
However, the sequelae also follow, and every time they eat, they have to negotiate with their children. Because the little brains have understood that eating can be their “bargaining chip” in exchange for what they want to do/toys they want, etc.
However, eating itself is for the sake of one’s own healthy growth, but the children have forgotten it all.
Parents also have headaches, but in order to achieve their goals quickly and reduce seesaw battles with their children, sometimes they can’t help saying [if you don’t xx, I won’t love you/don’t want you].
However, children will be virtually guided into the “result-oriented” type, and even the love of parents will become a kind of exchange result, habitually making demands. However, they do not understand the real rules.
Love is unconditional, but love is also principled.
In our communication with our children, the most important principle that we should adhere to is: not to change the children’s emotions and the speed of the goals we want to achieve.
Exaggerated emotions are the most direct way for children to express themselves. Facing the new generation of drama babies, we might as well try to protect their emotions and express our love in a tactful but firm way.
1. Let the child try
The world is a kaleidoscope, in which children should crawl and roll. Parents are relieved to loosen their hands and let children know that they can get up by themselves when they fall down. Excessive protection is not a safety garment for children, but an obstacle to their growth. Only children who boldly try can thrive.
2. Emotional support
Don’t be afraid that your love for your child cannot be conveyed. Whenever your child faces difficulties or choices, giving the greatest emotional warmth and support is the motivation to encourage your child to take firm steps. Tell your child that your mother’s arms are always open to them, but only when you learn to overcome small difficulties can you become stronger.
3. Adhere to the bottom line in principle
The child’s tears and pettish are the mother’s natural soft rib, but every small insistence, not trapped by the child’s emotions, to establish a correct concept of order and health for the child, is to give infinite gentle love to the greatest extent.
Love is the nature of parents, but doting is not.
Love is the invincible armor for children to grow up, but doting is not.
Unconditional love and conditional principles are the best family ties.