A few nights ago, someone in the group of mothers asked, “the child has started kindergarten. I can’t help comparing him with other children. Is this not very good?”
Unexpectedly, as soon as the questions were thrown away, the whole group of mothers exploded.
Mothers who had similar childhood experiences began to tell their experiences one by one. To this, we classified them.
Type 1: Silent Enduring Type
@ Xiao Qi: When I was a child, my parents often compared me with my neighbors’ children of the same age. The most I heard was: Can’t you learn from her? Slowly, I got used to it, and now I am numb to this sentence.
@ Xiao Zhu: From childhood to adulthood, my parents seldom praised me. They always thought that the monitor of our class was the best. I would like to ask them: Am I not good at all? But think about it or forget it, anyway, I won’t get what’s answer.
@ Sean: I have a cousin who has been a good decathlon student since childhood. My parents always like to compare me with her and then scold me why I am inferior to her. After scolding for more than ten years, I didn’t escape from the family until I worked.
Type 2: Bitter Lesson Type
@ White: When I was a child, my parents enrolled me in three interest classes in order not to lose to other students. One morning I really didn’t want to go to the dance class. My mother chased me with a spatula and said while playing: Why can’t you let me worry like Qingqing (the students in the interest class)?
@ Making dumplings: One year ago, during the Chinese New Year, my father slapped me twice and pulled me up and pressed me to the piano, because my cousin who came to my house played the piano, but I didn’t want to perform.
@ Qingfeng Xu Lai: My mother set the rules for me from an early age: I can’t stand for an hour less than my classmates who live next door and do poorly in the exam. Once I did poorly in the exam and did not dare to go home at all. My mother dragged me home from school and let me stand for a night. Now I sleep at night and often dream of the night when I was punished.
Type 3: Rise and Fight Back
@ Dao Dao: When I was a child, my parents often said: Why can’t you be the same as the monitor of your class? Usually I will reply: Then why can’t you be the same as the monitor’s parents?
@ Maple Leaf Red: I remember when I was in the third grade, Once I failed in the exam, my mother kept nagging: I’ll let you study more with Jamlom (the neighbor’s child) at ordinary times. The family is the first in the school this time. If you look at you again, you can’t do anything. You can’t study as well as the family, and your talent is not as good as the family… I shouted directly: She is so good, then you let her be your daughter. Why did you give birth to me? Since then, my mother has never said such a thing.
Type 4: Experience Cycle Type
@ Mu Mu: When I was a child, I was compared by my parents. I hate this feeling very much, but now I have children of my own. Seeing that my children are inferior to others, I can’t help comparing my children and saying similar words to him.
@ Flower Roll: Whenever my parents say to me why you are inferior to others, I will think: I will not be like this when I have children in the future. But when it really comes to this day, I still think about how my children are inferior to other people’s children, but I dare not say it out, it is all in my heart.
[Comparison] Is the Childhood Shadow of Many Children
No matter which of the above types, what is certain is that the comparison between parents has a great influence on children and even becomes the shadow of their childhood.
There are not a few children with similar experiences in China. Many parents like to compare their children with others.
Sex comparison from birth: boy or girl?
How many are there in kindergarten than little red flowers?
Then to the parents’ meeting in the middle school, the results are higher than those of the children.
At last, the child graduated from college and began to work better than whose children?
… …
During the long comparison process, parents never seemed to ask their children: Would they like to be compared with other children?
Day after day, year after year. The ubiquitous comparison has become a stone in children’s hearts and a nightmare in their childhood.
[Comparison] Let Parents Become Magic Zheng
In February 2019, a survey of 2009 interviewees conducted by the Social Survey Center of China Youth Newspaper, a joint questionnaire network, showed that 90.6% of the interviewees said that more parents had high demands and expectations on their children. 83.4% of the interviewees also said that they would compare their children with other people’s children.
In this survey, 89.8% of the interviewees are parents of their children.
Why do parents love comparison? The reason is actually very simple: I hope my children will not lag behind others.
This kind of mood of looking forward to the success of one’s son and the success of one’s daughter is understandable, but is it also deviating from the original meaning of comparison by blindly pursuing the results of comparison? On the contrary, it has fallen into a misunderstanding: comparison is regarded as comparison.
This inappropriate way of comparison can not only prevent children from growing up and becoming useful, but also prevent them from growing up healthily. Bitter children, magic dazed themselves.
Correct comparisons are not without merit
In fact, there is nothing wrong with the comparison itself.
The ancients said: Know shame and then be brave. Where does shame come from? It is comparison. Only by knowing one’s own shortcomings through comparison can one continue to grow.
For example, one of the mothers said:
So, after all, it is the parents who compare in the wrong way. The right method will also give children the motivation to move forward. Are you using it right?