I remember that in the once popular TV series “Tiger Mother and Cat Dad”, Zhao Wei played “Tiger Mother”. In order for her daughter to attend a key primary school, she spent a huge sum of money to buy a school district house and resigned to make up for her children’s homework. Such “painstaking efforts” caused widespread discussion.
Children are the first in parents’ lives. Parents have to admit that such phenomena are real and exist in life if they want to live for their children.
Dr. Clove heard a different voice: to love yourself like a child, there is no need to put the child first.
Let’s look at the story of this [selfish] mother.
01 Husband’s Words
One night last Thursday, Eva fell asleep. My husband and I were chatting in the study. I am preparing the materials for tomorrow’s meeting.
[Alas, you don’t care about me more and more.] The husband was caught off guard.
[Ah? Why don’t you care? ]
[Look at you, since I went to work, I have been working every day. It turned out that the child was the first and I was the second. Now, the work has become the first and the child is the second, and my sequence has moved back again…]
I couldn’t help laughing and gave my husband a big hug to comfort the [old boys].
[You see, I have to get used to it when I go back to work. The baby has been in kindergarten for several months and is quite used to it. Just adjust it slowly.]
… …
In the evening, lying in bed, eyes open lost in thought:
Children are no longer my first, did this start in what?
Is it the moment when you turn on the computer and decide to return to work? Is it the moment when you happily buy yourself iced coffee after watching your child enter kindergarten? Is it time to choose a red number for yourself, put on high heels and skirts, and attend girlfriends’ parties again?
Well, I admit, compared with the past, children are really no longer the only most important thing for me.
Compared with children, I pay more attention to my work, my social circle and, by the way, my weight.
02 [Old] Self
If you don’t put the children first, then how? I really don’t feel guilty about it.
There was a long time when I spent it in chagrin and guilt:
The baby’s eczema recurred, and I was chagrined. I knew clearly that I had to nurse and ate hot pot. The baby had a fever and became ill, and I was upset. I knew clearly that the baby had to go out [wild] behind her back. The baby fell into bed and went to the hospital to take a film. I was chagrined. Why didn’t I keep staring at her every step?
But now, after eighty-one difficult, I have finally become a better mother and a better wife. I have been able to face my [selfish] behavior calmly. You know, it is not so easy to think through all this.
At the moment of the child’s birth, [ignorant panic], the child is naturally placed in the most important position, which is not only due to nature, but also a moral requirement handed down from generation to generation.
However, in retrospect, I didn’t realize at that time that raising the next generation meant not having a life of my own, not having a healthy diet, not having enough sleep, and not even having time to see a doctor when I was ill.
By the way, not to mention makeup and grooming, I go out to walk my baby in loose T-shirts and slippers every day. Sometimes I am too tired to wash my face and sleep directly. Why do friends only bask in my baby? Because his face is oily and his hair is messy, don’t you bask in yourself? !
The busy life of tea, rice, oil and salt does not require exquisite dress at all.
The idea of change
Did it start in what? Maybe that one’s breakfast.
One day at breakfast, I stared at the three fresh wontons and broccoli in the baby’s bowl, and the shrimps and steamed eggs on the stove drifted with fresh fragrance.
A daze suddenly hit, like the tide, with countless resentment and Weng Ming, severely beat me:
I got up at 6 o’clock and was too sleepy… the children’s food was cooked and the clothes were not washed…
By the way, what can I cook for Eva at noon?
Huh? I eat what?
I didn’t prepare breakfast for myself… … …
Suddenly, an idea kept hovering in my mind: Why can’t I live like a child?
I mean, put yourself and your children in the same important position in your life, and that kind of life will be how’s?
This idea is hovering like a vulture, encroaching on the traditional parental rules I am following.
Looking back on these years, life seems to be getting out of control.
When I take my children for physical examination on time, I always think that I have not come to the hospital for physical examination for more than a year. When washing children’s clothes with baby laundry detergent, wardrobes that have not bought much new clothes for two years will always appear in front of them from time to time. In fact, I haven’t contacted my friends for a long time when I strictly choose my children’s small partners. Every night I make sure the children fall asleep early and have a good night’s sleep, but I am either dragged down by trivial matters or bored to row my cell phone and can’t fall asleep until early morning… … …
This little thing is gradually pressing on my mind, making me breathless.
Although I am doing everything I can to create a happy life for my children, in fact, my own life is not so happy at all.
Looking at the expressionless me in the mirror, my face was written with “mourning”.
Can’t help asking yourself: Will unhappy parents bring out happy children?
The child is no longer my only one.
I decided to change my life.
How? It’s very simple! As long as you live like a child! Pursue what you like like a child and be happy like a child.
In this way, my happy life began!
First of all, let yourself live healthier.
Every night, I let my children go to bed on time, so I want to go to bed on time myself. Every day, I encourage my children to exercise outdoors, so I also want to exercise myself. As for teaching my children how to get along with their friends, I finally find time to reunite with my close friends who have been out of league for many days and share happy time.
Next, follow your heart and return to work.
Near the children’s admission, I began to pick up my work skills, learn industry information, and began to get acquainted with former colleagues and friends, looking for suitable job opportunities. Finally, one week after the children successfully entered the park, my work was finalized simultaneously.
Although I am very tired to balance family and work now, I feel my heart is full.
After paying as much attention to my own life as to the lives of my children, I found that this not only greatly improved my quality of life, but more importantly, I became a better mother.
Regular exercise has made me more self-disciplined and has become a good example in the eyes of children.
The reunion with my friends reminds me of the happy times of the past and reminds me to cherish every minute and second of the present.
A healthy diet not only helps me lose a few kilograms of weight, but also makes me more energetic.
I also began to get along with my husband like a child, and the incessant quarrels between us suddenly disappeared.
Returning to work makes me more confident and makes my children understand that my mother is a [social person], not just her [mother].
I believe that only when my heart is full and happy can my children feel happy and happy.
Parents who live for their children are often very happy and vulnerable.
Being a parent means being selfless, but being a better parent may require a little selfishness.