The Self-Report of Husband Pirates North
I haven’t seen my wife and daughter for a month, only fragmentary videos and simple calls every day. After the business trip, I stayed in bed with my wife to coax my daughter to sleep. She suddenly asked me a question: “Do you think our relationship is closer or different after having a daughter?” A chill hit my back, He appeased himself. Calm down and think about it. The content of appeasement is also from the heart, There is no cover-up. 1. Reflection on an accident after having a daughter, We really need to divide some of our energy into our daughters. I did have a dispute with my wife over some trivial matters. I remember once, She washed her daughter and coaxed her daughter to sleep. She forgot to surround the bedside fence, causing her daughter to fall down to bed, which can be 60 centimeters high. My daughter’s forehead swelled up in an instant with a big bag, and I was angry with my wife. A night of confusion, went to the hospital for CT, medicine, examination, anxiety. After calm back, what was I doing when the incident occurred? Sitting in front of the computer and playing games, I threw all these things into my wife’s body: bathing my children and coaxing them to sleep. The excuse is that there is no experience, but who has experience? Who is not a new parent? Since then, her daughter has checked the bed after going to bed every day, I will take the responsibility spontaneously. Even if the wife said she was safe, You have to check it yourself. This is not distrust, It is to fulfill one’s duty as a father and blame oneself. 2. The importance of empathy in fact, after having children, The most needed and effective way of communication between husband and wife, Is empathy. Children are two people, for children’s health, education, or such small issues as wearing what, eating what, there will be differences. If you can stand in the other side’s perspective to think about it, all problems can be solved. If you feel wronged, please stand in the other side’s perspective to think, whether the other side is also under different pressure; If you feel that your opinion is not accepted by the other party, please think from the other party’s point of view and whether the other party’s opinion has been hit by your harsh words. If you think you are right, please think from the other party’s point of view, this issue is raised by the other party whether you can accept it safely; This is the foundation of empathy, For couples, The same is true for children. Finally, uh… it is also very important to maintain a certain quality, especially the quality of husband and wife’s sex life. 1. Also talk about empathy. When there is no baby, many friends with babies will talk to me. For example, [why does my husband not want to accompany me to watch movies when he has time to play games when he comes home? [Why can’t my wife understand how hard it is for me to start a business and socialize outside, and accuse me of coming back late? ], really incessant. Before, I didn’t think so. I would help them analyze and persuade them to think in other places. However, after I have a baby, I will inevitably fall into a dead circle. I know empathy is very useful, but why don’t you think for me first, but I think for you first? So I also fought, lost and angry, even because my husband threw cigarette butts and refused to change after repeated education, and then collected all the cigarette butts in the toilet and stuffed them into his wallet in exasperation. Or because he didn’t help me watch the baby when he played games, So I don’t care, I don’t care if I cry, It depends on who feels distressed first. But every time there is this kind of rivalry or revenge pleasure, More or lost and distressed, The problem is still unsolved. We finally found out that The only thing that can solve the problem, Or communication, communication, communication. 2. The importance of synchronization between two people (1) communication, Ditches are easy to pass but not easy to pass. Many times, It’s not that we don’t want to listen to each other, But I can’t imagine myself standing in each other’s perspective. A wife who has been a full-time housewife at home all her life, It is difficult to understand the difficulties of a husband who works hard outside the country. A husband who has never brought a baby, It is also difficult to understand the hardships of a wife’s child-rearing. (2) Successful communication, The most important thing is to synchronize. Synchronization here, Not the synchronization of behavior patterns, It’s the synchronization of thoughts. I remember when I first got married, My mother-in-law told me a rule: No matter who in the family has important things and decisions about what, We have to discuss it with our families, Let’s find a way to solve it together.] Until now, with Eva, My husband and I will share with each other, No matter after the baby falls asleep at home, Or travel to other places to find time for video chat. In addition to Eva’s eating, drinking, pulling and scattering, We will share everything, Bottlenecks at work, experiences on business trips, gossip from friends around you, Even recently, we found interesting short films in what. Because of our [chatter], Only then can we know each other’s state very well. There will also be endless common topics. If two people have conflicts, When communicating, you can also really think from the other side’s point of view. And think about it, No matter how hard you work outside, To have a closest person at home to listen to you, What a happy thing it is. 3. Necessary family rules. Of course, All happiness is still based on certain rules. Men and women think in completely different ways. Even the same thing and the same sentence will have different understandings. It is difficult to achieve unity of thinking. So let’s just take a simple and crude method, Is to set family rules. (1) Don’t play with mobile phones when eating. If everyone plays with mobile phones, There is no point in having dinner together, Children will feel that [cell phones have robbed parents]. So we stipulate that, If there is no work emergency, When a family of three eat together, they are not allowed to play with their cell phones. Whoever plays first loses 100 dollars. (2) My husband and I are both hot-tempered. And well aware of the lethality of the cold war. Therefore, we stipulate that, Regardless of the contradictions in what, The quarrel will be settled on the same day. The solution is not to say who wins or who loses, But the real communication until neither of them has the heart, Then find a solution. We sometimes make a noise for three or four hours, But in the end, I will still sit together and discuss calmly, even analyzing and poking fun at each other’s quarrels. (3) The division of family chores is clear. We quarrel most after marriage, probably for the sake of doing housework and taking care of babies. Every time I work hard at housework, he is playing games. Every time I sleep hard, he is still playing games. So I will find fault with all kinds of imbalances and quarrel, but at the end of every quarrel, he will take out XX things he has done for his family and compare them with YY things I have done for my family. In the end, I think what he said is reasonable! Therefore, in order to solve this endless emotional quarrel, we have directly and effectively divided the housework. When we specify who is responsible, we cannot complain or find fault without reason. What if both of them are too busy to take care of or really don’t want to do it? For example, if you cook and wash dishes, change to take-out food. For example, when cleaning up, you can directly find a housekeeper. In his words, it is [a contradiction that can be solved with a small sum of money, why should we hurt our feelings and quarrel? It seems to make sense. At the end, many people say, In the first two years of the baby’s birth, It is the most important two years to test the relationship between husband and wife. We have quarreled, cried and laughed. Fortunately, now that Eva is one and a half years old, we can still maintain tacit understanding and warmth. No matter in marriage or being a parent, we are still new. There is a saying that [when a child is a few years old, when a mother (father) is a few years old]. We are all growing up with our children and giving each other more tolerance and patience.