Take some time to review today’s life. How many things are worth complaining about?
Is it weather, traffic, friends, lovers and bosses? Is it the bad service or food in the restaurant, or is it the same Internet speed as the office turtle? Maybe there are more, almost everything is worth complaining about!
Now, please recall, is your mood better or worse after complaining to others?
Most people find that immersed in the state of spitting for a long time will only make people more uncomfortable.
Of course, proper spitting, as a catharsis of negative emotions, will indeed make us feel happier, but too much spitting will not have too many positive effects on our mood, but will make us feel helpless, hopeless and even injured…
Over time, the accumulation of these complaints and helplessness will have many negative effects on our emotions, self-esteem and mental health.
What is the harm of complaining to us?
If we complain too much, our attitude will become negative.
Too much complaining is just an emotional catharsis, which is not a solution to the problem. When we focus all our attention on [complaining], our negative feelings increase and spread. Too much complaining will become ineffective and create unnecessary additional psychological pressure, instead of analyzing the problem and making changes.
The stress of complaining will have a lasting negative impact on our brains.
Studies have shown that even if we are under such pressure for only a few days, our hippocampal neurons will be destroyed and our repair function will be abnormal.
Hippocampus, but the structure of our brain is mainly responsible for problem solving and some cognitive functions.
In the long run, our hippocampus will shrink, resulting in a decline in cognitive functions such as memory and the ability to adapt to new environments-if we feel stupid, it may not be an illusion.
You know, Hampel and his colleagues found in a 2008 study that the hippocampus is one of the first brain regions to suffer damage in patients with Alzheimer’s disease (so frequent complaints may lead to Alzheimer’s disease).
The hippocampus in our brain will be damaged when we complain ourselves. What about what when we listen to others’ complaints?
In fact, complaining is like smoking. We can choose not to complain to avoid affecting our brains. But just like the process of smoking secondhand smoke, when we hear others complain, our brains will be affected in the same way as when we complain ourselves.
Professor Sapolsky of Stanford Medical College found through research that if the subjects receive 30 minutes of complaints every day (including relevant information received on TV), our brains will suffer physiological damage.
Professor Sapolsky’s research also shows that when our brains continue to receive complaints and negative information, our brains will produce the same emotional reactions as when experiencing stress.
How to reduce complaints?
Complaining is so harmful to ourselves and listeners, how can we reduce complaints and negative energy in our life?
When you find that long-term habitual complaints have begun to destroy our mental health, here are some tips to help you:
1. Accept [terrible] feelings
We can try to accept the negative things that happen to us in our life and their impact on us.
We can also accept our frustration or anger at anything or people that makes us complain about. Try to tell yourself this: (This person did) This makes me feel angry/hit, I can be angry, I can feel frustrated, it’s nothing, and this feeling will slowly pass away.
2. Change your view of these issues
In fact, what affects our emotions and behaviors is not necessarily the event itself, but our views on the event.
For example, the boss is not satisfied with the work tasks we have completed. In our eyes, it may be [because the boss is too critical], so we will complain a lot about the boss. But to put it another way, in fact, the boss took our work results seriously and gave us constructive suggestions.
Perhaps in the eyes of the boss, we have room for improvement, and the boss may also think that we can do better if we work harder.
Such a thought, the boss seems to attach great importance to us, is it a little secretly pleased?
So you see, from another angle, the people or things that originally made us complain do not necessarily make us dissatisfied, but also make us learn and grow.
3. Focus on [solving problems]
If we keep focusing on [what is wrong], then we will hinder our growth and make [solutions] farther and farther away from us.
Do some what to help our brains enter the mode of creative problem solving.
4. Cherish life and stay away from complaining
Leave the state of complaining and do something else. Our brain is easily distracted. It will no longer only think about complaining. In this way, the brain can be protected.
5. Try to keep a daily [gratitude diary]
Pay attention to the things that make you grateful every day. Can help our brains stay away from complaining. Prepare a small notebook or gadget and try to write down some small things that we are grateful for every day. For example, [Uncle Security recognized me and offered to open the door for me before I found the door card], or [Neighbors moved the sun-exposed flowers to the shade for me, and they were lucky to survive].
Such small pieces of life have their own power.
Gratitude can re-inspire our brains by reversing negative complaints-perhaps, everything that makes us complain, from another angle, has something to be grateful for.
How to deal with [second-hand complaints]?
So, when we learn to stay away from too many complaints, but still get stuck in [second-hand complaints] from friends, what can we do about what?
1. Accept and validate the complainer’s emotions
First of all, we can express our sympathy and understanding for them, for example, [you will definitely be sad/disappointed/mad/at a loss/… if such a thing happens], or [it is really bad, if I were you, I would definitely be sad/disappointed/mad/at a loss/… dead].
Then, we can shift our attention to other things without anyone noticing, such as [I found your suit suits you very well today]. Not once, but several times more, and the smart people will understand the intention of others to do so.
Remember, don’t try to convince habitual complainers [things are not that bad]. This may become the lead for them to bring out more complaints.
2. Avoid thinking about what you’re complaining about
Complainters will acquiesce that we are their [allies]. If we act too obviously with them at this time, we may hear more second-hand complaints from them in the future.
Step 3 Set boundaries
Let the complainer know politely and sincerely that we love them very much and want to support them, but we really can’t listen to any more about how bad things are.
Remember, we have no responsibility for the happiness of others, nor can we be responsible.
If they respect our request, they will stop complaining and change the content of the conversation.
4. Avoid too much contact with habitual complainers
If we are exhausted and have no choice but to do so, we can only do this-try to avoid talking to habitual complainers.
The following words may overturn the boat of friendship, so it is suggested that everyone keep it as the ultimate weapon:
- When you find yourself complaining about the negative side of life for a long time, why not choose to focus on the idea of solving the problem? Stop wasting your time and energy on complaining too much, make good use of your energy to find the road to happiness.
Share this article with friends who need it. May your life be healthier and happier.