Cui Hua’s son is 3.5 years old. Last week, Cui Hua changed clothes in the bedroom. The child entered the room without knocking at the door. Cui Hua casually said two words to his son: Mother is changing clothes. She cannot come in without knocking at the door. This is very impolite.
My mother-in-law heard this and said that Cui Hua was [too melodramatic]. Her husband also felt that Cui Hua was making a mountain out of a molehill…
Cui Hua’s troubles are also the troubles of many parents-the baby is getting older and older. Do you need [sexual avoidance] in your life with your parents? How’s sex education is the most suitable for heterosexual parents to get along with their middle-aged children?
Dr. Clove called Mr. Zuo Fei to see how he suggested it.
Teacher Zuo Fei said that Cui Hua’s concern is reasonable. After the child is 3 years old, parents really need to do some appropriate [avert suspicion] in their daily life.
Parents of the opposite sex get along with their children, and 3 years old is an important node.
Babies before the age of 3 are mainly in the embryonic stage of sex.
The baby is about 1 ~ 2 years old, and has already begun to be able to distinguish the difference between the naked father and mother. At this time, children can have a simple distinction and understanding of gender differences, which is called the cognition of sexual differences.
After the age of 3, with the further development of sexual cognition, children may feel shy or unnatural about other people’s private parts. At this time, the baby has already felt ashamed.
At this time, parents should learn to respect their children’s self-esteem and their sense of discomfort and shame towards different genders. We should gradually begin to avert suspicion.
However, in real life, many parents (especially fathers for their daughters) are more selective in sex education and fail to give correct guidance to sex.
Therefore, for children’s sex education, Dr. Clove suggested that parents must not be coy and hide anything. The younger the child, the better the education.
Before the age of 3, [parent-child bath] is the best sex education.
Before the age of 3, it is the golden period of baby sex education.
At this time, if children see their parents’ bodies, they are likely to look at their parents with surprised eyes, especially at their parents’ private parts, which are the most uncommon.
At this stage, parents should not be afraid to show their bodies to their children. Even create more opportunities for children to observe the differences between different genders, such as parent-child bathing.
For details, click: Can heterosexual parents take a bath with their children?
After the age of 3, it is very important to establish boundaries and respect privacy.
After the baby is 3 years old, parents should gradually establish boundaries when getting along with children of the opposite sex, pay attention to children’s awareness of privacy, and begin to educate children where the degree of contact between people is, so as to improve children’s awareness of self-protection.
1. Slowly stop heterosexual parent-child bathing
Generally speaking, after the daughter is 3 years old, it is not suitable to take a bath with her father. The bath between her mother and her son can be delayed until she is 5 ~ 6 years old.
After the age of 6, it is suggested to train children to take a bath alone (adults can help).
It should be noted that some children will take the initiative to say that they do not want to take a bath with their parents. At this time, they should respect their children.
Step 2 Sleep in separate beds
From the perspective of sex education, children can sleep in separate beds around the age of 3. At this time, the baby already has a sense of shame. At this time, sharing a bed with the opposite sex or parents will be inconvenient and may make the child feel uncomfortable.
3. Respect for privacy
The concept of privacy should be established for children, and boundaries should also be established in daily life to respect each other’s privacy.
- Try not to walk naked in front of children or in underwear. Close the door when going to the toilet to take a bath. Try not to take children to public toilets or public bathhouses of the opposite sex; Avoid inappropriate intimacy, such as French kiss with heterosexual parents, kissing children’s chests, kissing places to go to the toilet, etc.
4. Safety education, let children learn to protect themselves
Educate children from an early age, only the closest family members can make intimate moves with themselves (you can make a list for children and specify who they can have);
If someone does something [strange] to himself, tell his parents bravely and don’t hide or be afraid.
Sex education is not only the education of sex knowledge.
Perhaps, parents will think that sex education is not just to educate their children to know how to protect themselves. The children are still young and are all family members. Is it necessary to pay so much attention?
In Dr. Clove’s view, in fact, most of the time it is not just a matter of sex education and safety awareness. Maybe there is nothing wrong with children wearing casually at home before the age of 6, but upbringing, especially respect for the opposite sex in upbringing, is also a very important link in sex education.
Take changing clothes in front of children as an example:
If the mother does not shy away from changing clothes in front of her son for a long time, will the son be preconceived when he grows up and think that all women are the same as the mother?
If the mother does not shy away from changing clothes in front of her daughter for a long time, will her daughter become [informal] when she grows up?
In short, we should not only tell our children the difference between boys and girls, but also teach our children mutual respect in front of others, especially the opposite sex.