I don’t know if you have ever felt the same way. Taking care of children has become the whole of your life.
Every day’s work is like coping with it. All the energy will be released when you get home from work.
When asked, are you busy with what recently? You have to answer: [What else can you have? Busy children.]
In such a moment, have you ever lost nothing?
The article brought by Dr. Clove today is a mother’s thinking.
Once, she was immersed in the quiet [trap] of the years. Fortunately, she jumped out of the comfort zone in time.
Over the past few years, I have heard more than one mother say such words: think about these years, I seem to have done nothing but raise a child in what.
When saying this sentence, these mothers’ faces will show a trace of loss and unwilling.
When listening to this sentence, I always feel sad, because I have had similar feelings before.
Behind the quiet years, there is more anxiety.
I remember that after I became pregnant, my body was not as comfortable as usual, so I naturally relaxed my requirements for myself:
It’s almost enough at work, and now the focus is on raising children-I tell myself so.
As a result, in the first two or three years after the child was born, I was not as energetic as before. Although I seemed to have done well on the surface, I knew in my heart that I had used some energy in my work and personal growth.
In those years, I tried to convince myself that such quiet days are also good.
After a woman has a child, taking care of the child, the family is already exhausted, physically and mentally exhausted, and she does not have too much ambition in her career. It is OK to mix up with a middle-class person. When the child is older and better to take with him, she will learn Guqin, play photography and cultivate her temperament-this is also quite a good way to live.
Isn’t it just for the sake of quiet years that the struggle has been tossed and turned? You can do it now.
However, in those years, my anxiety and confusion have been following me. I can’t deceive myself.
I want to have a fun life, but this kind of little feeling makes me feel more and more boring, and the whole person gradually becomes as dull and boring as plain boiled water.
I realized that I was shrinking my comfort zone to the size of my family and forming a small world of my own.
The outside world is already surging forward. Such years are so thin that they cannot withstand the wind and rain.
Looking back on those years, it seems that I have not done anything worth mentioning in what except raising a child. Looking back at the end of each year, I always feel that there is nothing to say.
Friends have been together for a long time. When asked about the recent situation, three words are enough to sum up a long period of time: still like that.
It is said that mediocrity is the truth. I vaguely feel: this mediocrity is not another mediocrity.
Jump out of the comfort zone and try to change the status quo.
Did what begin to change?
When anxiety becomes beyond measure.
When you find that you are getting older and don’t change, this is the only time in your life.
I once chatted with an elder in the industry.
For the first 46 years of his life, he lived in ignorance and drift with the flow. It was not until he was 46 years old that he was cornered by reality that he woke up and realized what the upcoming retirement life would be like if he continued like this-becoming a person without a sense of existence.
He began to change, change his work attitude, change his aloof character, create opportunities and seize them.
Now, he has retired for several years, but his life is better than when he went to work. He is a visiting professor at several universities and a consultant to several companies.
He told me that many people like to stay in the comfort zone and do not want to grow up, because it is very hard and painful, but life will press ahead step by step.
In order to escape the persecution of life, many people will narrow the comfort zone to ensure that they can still stay in it.
In this way, life is tight step by step, the comfort zone is shrinking little by little, and the vitality of human beings is getting thinner and thinner. Eventually, it becomes a piece of paper and is vulnerable.
I remember these words a few years ago. Whenever I want to be lazy, I will remind myself whether I am narrowing my comfort zone and whether I want to make my vitality thin into a piece of paper.
In the psychology class, I saw various kinds of life.
Tell me a few small things around me.
Every weekend, I will go to a university to take an on-the-job psychology course. In class, I will always see my mother and her children coming to class together. My mother is listening to the lecture while the children are quietly doing their homework and playing with toys.
This kind of picture is silent, but it touches me very much-there are so many mothers who do not give up on themselves.
I took this course for more than two years. For more than two years, every weekend, I spent one day with my children and the other day in class.
Sometimes when no one looks at the children, I also take oranges to class with me. Bring small picture books, snacks and homework. I listen to lectures. Oranges eat, drink, read and play nearby, or sleep on the table.
Sometimes the teacher made interesting remarks, and oranges were fascinated by them. They also learned to take notes from me. From 8: 30 a.m. To 4: 00 p.m., oranges just sat with me for a day.
I don’t think this has wronged the children. I believe that it is also a kind of education to be exposed and practiced.
The notes made by oranges are very targeted: [Small hands are dirty, you can eat directly! No shower! No disease after eating dirty! Children play with dirt very well! ]
The green word was given by Orange’s father.
In class, I met an elder sister.
Her family is in Shandong, and she changed her career to psychological counseling in her 40s. For several years, she went straight to the railway station after work every Friday, arrived in Beijing late at night, had two days of classes on Saturday and Sunday, and hurried back to the train after work on Sunday.
Elder sister said that it took her five years to succeed. In these five years, I have not bought a new dress because I have no time to go shopping.
The oldest student in our class is a 77-year-old uncle and one of the students with the highest attendance rate in our class. He not only studied psychology here, but also studied two other courses at the same time.
Among the teachers who gave the lecture was a 79-year-old woman, a well-known psychologist in the country. Her bag often contained several air tickets and high-speed rail tickets, flying all over the country. After one day’s class, she was still energetic.
In one class, the 79-year-old teacher specially encouraged the 77-year-old students: it’s not terrible to be old, you see, I know, the key is to live a meaningful life…
Our group of people in their 20s, 30s and 40s were stunned nearby.
Who said that after giving birth to a child, the dust has settled in one’s 30s and 40s? In front of us is a living example!
Never give up growing
We are mothers, but we are first and foremost a person. A complete person has his own life, his own dreams and his own way to go. We love our children, which is beyond doubt, but children are not all of us.
Over the years, I have realized more and more deeply that everyone has a desire to go up for good, just like a seed trying every means to sprout and a small tree trying every means to grow taller. This is the life code set by nature for everyone.
Therefore, when a woman gives up growing up, no matter whether she is out of what’s excuse, there must be anxiety in her heart.
In order to relieve anxiety, many people will choose different ways to be ostriches.
Ostrich 1: Pretend to turn a blind eye and comfort yourself by saying that this is the truth of quiet years and mediocrity-just like I have done before.
Ostrich 2: Transfer the anxious pressure to the children and hope for their success-what I can’t do, you have to do it.
However, if you give up yourself and spend all your energy and time on your children, it is easy to have a victim mentality.
[I have given so much for you, and you are still disobedient.] Even if I don’t say these words, the child will feel them. He will blame himself for this and feel sorry for his mother’s giving.
What’s more, who is willing to always bear the hope of another person? Too tired!
Ostrich 3: Cover up the laziness of the mind with the busyness of the body.
Forget who said that many people would rather do anything than think with their brains.
They will be busy showing others and themselves-you see, for the sake of the children and the family, I am already too busy to touch the ground, so I have no time to care about my career, let alone grow up myself.
Perhaps it is really very busy, everyone has had a hard time, a chicken feather.
At such times, perhaps it is better to think about it: Is what causing this situation? Is it temporary or long-term? How can change the status quo?
If you don’t look up at the road, you just go on your way, just like a mouse running in a closed loop. If you are too tired to fall down, it will not help.
You can find countless excuses to convince yourself, but you cannot escape your inner anxiety.
The only solution is to act and let yourself grow.
Strive to live with all one’s strength.
Mr. Kazuo Inamori said: Looking at the nature, no matter what animals or what plants, which is not trying its best to survive? This is the iron rule of nature. Only we human beings will have evil thoughts, covet pleasure and find [hard work] a difficult thing to accept.
I once asked a person who was starting a business: “Are you too tired to work so hard and have strong winds and waves?” ]
He answered without thinking: “Yes, I am very tired, but I am very tired and happy.”
I realized something.
The real growth should be like this-tired and happy.
When you feel that you are growing up, the inner joy, the sense of accomplishment and the growing vitality are a higher level of happiness.
When a mother radiates such light from the inside out, her children will benefit.
The growth of a mother is a longer-term responsibility for her children.
I have also wondered whether I would give up my job for my children or neglect my children for my work. The answer is very clear. I will not choose either.
I will choose to give consideration to both and try my best to balance them. If I can’t score 90 points, I will score 80 points. I will do the best within my ability and have a clear conscience.
Of course, it will definitely be very tiring, but it is worth it.
Otherwise, when the child grows up and has his own life, he grows old and looks around blankly, perhaps he will give a deeper sigh:
In my whole life, I have accomplished nothing but raise a child!