Six Things People May Not Tell You About Sex Life After Having Children

After having a baby, some mothers will ignore the communication with their partners. People who are mothers do naturally consider more things related to the baby, and may have no idea about the sex life after having a child.

In particular, [sex] is still a relatively taboo topic, even if it is one’s own mother, the best friend with children will not necessarily talk to the new mother.

After having children, what precautions do you have in your sex life? How to maintain a close relationship between husband and wife? The following Dr. Clove will talk about it in detail.

First, how long can you start sex after giving birth?

It is true that some people’s sexual desire will recover faster, but it is not recommended to start sexual life soon after giving birth. Vaginal pain and fatigue after childbirth will affect passion. As for when to start, one should consider one’s physical condition and psychological preparation.

1. Physiological factors

Whether it is a natural delivery or a caesarean section, the body needs time to recover.

Generally speaking, this takes six weeks, which is what we call puerperium. Cervix closure, postpartum hemorrhage cessation, laceration caused by childbirth and healing of wound sutures all take time. However, everyone’s recovery is different, and do not have sex until their obstetrician thinks it is appropriate.

2. Psychological factors

Another important factor affecting time is one’s psychological preparation.

Some mothers are ready to resume sex after giving birth for weeks, while others take months or even longer. Fatigue, stress and fear of pain all affect sexual impulses.

Second, will sex hurt?

After giving birth to a child, changes in hormone levels may make the vagina dry and fragile, especially for breast-fed mothers, affected by prolactin, the vaginal lubrication will be relatively poor.

If lateral episiotomy is performed during childbirth, perineal laceration may occur and pain may also occur during sexual life.

Relieving sexual intercourse pain should be done slowly:

    Pay attention to foreplay: embrace, kiss or massage as foreplay first, and then gradually increase the intensity of sexual stimulation; Use lubricant: If foreplay is sufficient and still cannot alleviate the drying problem, lubricant can be used; Avoid over-stimulation: Try different postures, find postures that can avoid certain pain areas, and adjust the depth of penis entry; Try other ways: Mothers can negotiate with their husbands and use oral sex or hand sex instead before the birth injury heals.

Partners should communicate frankly. Mothers must tell their husbands that they are willing to be what and not what.

Try other ways to relieve pain, such as emptying urine before sex, taking a hot bath to relax, taking over-the-counter painkillers, etc. If you feel burning or pain after sex, you can wrap ice cubes in a small towel and apply ice.

However, if the pain has not improved or even there is bleeding, the obstetrician and gynecologist should be consulted as soon as possible to check whether there is any possibility of other diseases.

Third, compared with the past, will pleasure decrease?

After giving birth, vaginal muscles will become relaxed and reduce the pleasure during sexual intercourse. However, this is usually only temporary and can recover on its own after a few months.

In fact, whether it is caesarean section or natural delivery, pregnancy itself will cause [loss] to the entire pelvic floor tissue including vagina.

Targeted pelvic floor muscle exercise can not only speed up vaginal recovery, but also has good prevention and treatment effects on pelvic floor functional diseases such as stress urinary incontinence and uterine prolapse.

Many mothers only care about their children and do not attach great importance to exercise. For the sake of health, it is better to strengthen self-management. You can try to exercise pelvic floor muscles with [Kegel Training]. For specific steps and precautions, please refer to < < How to Carry out Kegel Training? > >.

Do you need contraception during lactation?

Even during lactation, pay attention to contraception. Although menstruation will be suspended for a period of time during lactation, some people will ovulate before menstruation resumes.

Couples who plan to have a second child should not act too hastily. At present, some limited analysis and research suggest that the best interval between two pregnancies is one and a half to two years. If the interval is too short (within one year), the risk of some pregnancy complications, placental abruption, placenta previa, premature delivery, low birth weight and other problems will increase.

Each person’s physical condition is different, and you can consult your doctor about the contraceptive method suitable for you during the postpartum follow-up. Considering the whole situation, condoms are the most suitable contraceptive method, and the following are some alternative methods besides condoms:

1. Progesterone-only contraceptive drugs

Contraceptive drugs with pure progesterone can be used during lactation, such as injection of medroxyprogesterone acetate or oral mini contraceptive pills.

2. IUD

Some women will also consider more long-term contraceptive measures, such as intrauterine devices (IUDs).

In the past, the common IUD was copper, but now there are IUD that can slowly release hormones in the body, causing less side effects. If you consider placing it, you should consult an obstetrician and gynecologist. For more information about IUD, please refer to < < Frequently Asked Questions about IUD > >.

3. Combined hormonal contraceptives

The blood pressure of the parturient itself is in a hypercoagulable state. The use of contraceptive drugs containing both estrogen and progesterone shortly after giving birth will increase the risk of thrombosis.

If you are healthy and have no thrombotic diseases before giving birth, you can consider using combined hormone contraceptives six weeks after giving birth.

For breast-feeding mothers, the past view was that the combination of hormone contraceptives would reduce breast milk secretion, but recent research denied this conclusion. However, due to insufficient research, many doctors still advise breast-feeding mothers to choose progesterone-only contraceptives.

What if you are too tired?

Taking care of newborns is really troublesome. If the mother only wants to fall asleep when she goes to bed after a busy day, she should inform her husband.

Taking care of children and husband and wife’s life can be balanced: husband and wife’s life can be considered before the child wakes up in the morning, or relatives and friends can take care of the child for a period of time.

In addition, mothers should also pay attention to putting some money into the process of sex life, and should not be distracted by housework such as diapers and changing clothes.

Six, not interested in sex?

In fact, this is not a big deal for what.

If the mother is not interested in sex at present, or is afraid of pain in sex at this time, she will actively communicate with her husband.

Sex is only part of a close relationship. Good communication and the joint care of the newborn baby by husband and wife are all manifestations of intimacy.

Try other ways to stay close before restoring sexual desire. For example, when the child is asleep, create time for two people to be alone, even if it is just chatting and hugging, it can also promote communication. You can also make phone calls and send messages when you are separated during the day.

However, if communication with her husband does not restore her sexual desire, on the contrary, she has signs of excessive sensitivity, irritability, extreme fatigue, lack of fun, feeling estranged from her children, etc. in her life, she should be on guard against postpartum depression.

50% ~ 80% of women have more or less depression after delivery, while 10% ~ 15% of mothers even have postpartum depression.

If you are worried that you are suffering from postpartum depression, communicate with obstetrics and gynecology or psychiatrists as soon as possible, and timely treatment can cure you as soon as possible. For more information, please refer to < < About Postpartum Depression of Women > >.


Most sexual disorders related to pregnancy or childbirth can be solved within one year, and attention should be paid to maintaining physical and mental health.

When the status changes from wife to mother, there is no need to put too much pressure on yourself. Maintaining a positive attitude towards life is a good example for children.

Responsible Editor: Chuyang