How did you get here the year when you first had children?
Are you experiencing the happiness of being a new mother, or are you adapting to your new role in a hurry?
Often before parents get out of the joy of the arrival of a new life, some headaches that they have never met follow one after another…….
There are always several turning points in life that cannot be avoided, such as the first year of marriage, the first year of having children, and the first year of college for children. These three periods are all things that should be full of expectation and hope, but they are also the periods that are most likely to lead to the reverse drama of life.
Statistics from unknown places say that these three years are the most likely period for divorce and family breakdown.
These three turning points are all the best intersections in life, but they are also the moments that test the three views of husband and wife and even the two big families.
Even if both parties want to live a good life, there are not a few cases of divorce due to unfair arrangement of wedding banquet, unbalanced divorce due to unbalanced parenting tasks, and sudden maladjustment of empty nesters due to children’s long journey.
When it comes to the first year of giving birth to a child, the lack of two physiological needs, namely [not being able to sleep a complete sleep] and [not being able to eat a complete meal], has already been the fuse of family wars. But don’t worry, it’s not over yet. After giving birth to a baby, there are still more family black holes waiting for everyone to open like Pandora’s box.
Can’t sleep a full sleep
Who would have thought when pregnant: a newborn will not sleep!
So as soon as the sister-in-law left, the family was in a mess.
Mobile phone battery manufacturers should go to every sleeping slag family to study how babies can charge for 5 minutes and stand by for 5 hours! There is no need to say anything about the sadness of sleeping. Every family has tears.
When the whole family can’t sleep well alone, the others can still top it. When the whole family couldn’t sleep, they began to push and blame each other.
In the face of a husband who refuses to get up in the middle of the night to coax the child, the real idea may not be to kick him to hold the baby, but to kick him down from the 13th floor.
More and more loud quarrels
Many people can find an unauthoritative rule: two people show their love in the world and [die fast] after giving birth to a baby.
The contradiction between the two people in the world is not prominent. Whoever has nothing to do to assess the risks of what in the future should feel the sweetness of dopamine first.
After giving birth to the baby, the contradictions in the relationship between the two sexes, the parent-child relationship and the relationship between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are all in front of us, scampering over your head under your eyes.
From wind, flowers, snow and moon to daily necessities, the maturity of men and women is already tested.
In fact, as long as you enter a state of life, whether you are 42 or 24 years old, the middle-aged crisis will come as scheduled and all kinds of pressures will follow.
The two-person world does not need to consider the problem, now you have to not consider, don’t want to face the pressure of reality, so you have to quarrel and push to the other party to face. At this time, I meet an old man who loves to add fuel to the fire, and it will literally explode and blossom!
The final result may be that no one can find the source of the mistake, and no one wants to understand each other first! Concessions are a difficult topic to push forward at this time.
Have no patience to have a meal together.
If you can’t have a leisurely meal just because you are disturbed by your children, you can still tolerate it.
The most terrible thing is that I have no patience to sit down and eat the usual food! Some have to sleep, some are afraid of waking up their children, some play with their cell phones, and some have not finished drying their clothes.
Every meal was full of four, five and eight forks. The quarrel last night could be discussed at the table today, but there was no chance.
For families with newborns, if they don’t even have time for dinner, where else can they find time to sit down and talk?
The whole family is in frequent physical condition.
Many people have also discovered that they would not have caught a cold for a year. After having a baby, when they get sick, the whole family will get sick together!
Today my father has diarrhea, tomorrow my mother has toothache, the day after tomorrow my baby has a fever, and the day after tomorrow my grandmother has a flash of waist. After a month of tossing and turning, the whole family has finally recovered and the next flu peak is coming again.
You know, only when you are happy can you be healthy!
I am busy all day long.
In addition to feeding is feeding, in addition to wiping excrement is bathing busy days, just have a baby this year don’t want to get rid of.
Many mothers are busy with their children’s housework, cooking, cooking and sleeping.
Sit down and think about life? Extravagant hopes!
At this time, if you see a husband holding a mobile phone [thinking about life]? I felt blind, and my first thought was divorce!
This kind of negative pressure state will infect each other, vicious circle, everyone feels unable to find a way out. Where is the good picture of two people, one baby, three meals and four seasons?
However, is there no solution? Mutual understanding is king!
But there are also a few tips that may help a little:
During pregnancy, the whole family will learn parenting knowledge together. When encountering parenting difficulties, they will start the plan without accusing or complaining.
There are three rules, no yelling, no anger, and a good talk.
Eat together as much as possible. Take advantage of this collective pause to criticize and self-criticize, put forward shortcomings, and be grateful to all parties for their efforts.
Learn some knowledge of time management.
And there are several ideas that I slowly realized after giving birth to the baby:
Don’t simply think that having a nanny and a sister-in-law, or grandma to help, can solve the problem of child-rearing, they will only test your leadership ability more!
If you are a leader, you may find it easier to have someone to help you. If you are an receptive character, it is not bad to let the old man lead you. If you haven’t thought clearly, the possible situation is that you have given up the control of your family and kept complaining that you have lost this control. After all, with the help of the elderly, you have to face not only a child but also a child-rearing team.
Therefore, instead of spending time buying a bunch of mother and infant products, it is better to spend time thinking about how to make good use of the people involved in child care.
Parenting related people include husbands, other family members, some talented mothers, doctors’ friends, teachers’ friends, etc. Take the time to talk with them effectively (after doing homework, talk with them in a targeted way, otherwise people will be annoyed and you will not be able to talk about effective information).
You know, 90% of our men have no internal driving force for child-rearing, so some homework needs to be done by their mothers before brainwashing their fathers and putting some ugly words ahead.
The same is true of the elderly, who have internal driving forces, but it takes a lot of effort to learn new knowledge about child-rearing and needs the help of their mothers to update their knowledge.
It is much better to explain the possible problems in advance and assign the tasks well than to find those responsible afterwards.
It is true that mothers should not have done all these things, but every family has its own reality, and it is hard to avoid some empty talk to tangle with this power and responsibility in the practical operation.
If no one in the family is the leader, women must do it first. Because you don’t want to be a leader first, you may eventually become a brick mover.
Since I haven’t met a husband who is willing to take the initiative to be the head of child care, it is also a good choice to train him to be a qualified second in command.
When we are trapped in the whirlpool of family black holes, the family may be destroyed by Satan if we are not careful. There are always difficulties. If we still want to live on, negotiation in advance is a clever way to avoid and compensation afterwards is the solution.
So, in your first year of giving birth, did you also experience chicken flying and dog jumping?