Novice parents always have lingering anxiety in their hearts.
This kind of anxiety is good to some extent, because it can make us constantly search for and learn all kinds of parenting knowledge, but it also tends to lead us to the other extreme: excessive anxiety, so that we are timid.
Of course I was anxious too! If it weren’t for anxiety, I wouldn’t have collected a large amount of public official information, wouldn’t have doubts about any so-called expert’s arguments, and wouldn’t have shared and disseminated knowledge that I have verified to be reliable.
Looking back on my own journey with Macey over the past year, the first tangle I encountered was: Can we play with our mobile phones while accompanying our babies?
Why are babies crazy about mobile phones?
Some mothers said that as long as the baby saw the mobile phone, he would rush to play. Some mothers also said that whenever the baby saw himself playing with his mobile phone, he would burst into tears.
Babies, what’s going on?
Babies are full of curiosity about everything around them, including mobile phones. This will prompt them to climb over and touch, take a look, chew, even fall, smash and throw.
Step 2: Seek Attention
Babies before the age of 3 all think that they are the center of the world. When the mother’s attention shifts to the mobile phone, the baby will [ask for attention] by crying aloud or robbing the mobile phone.
STEP 3 Frustrated
When parents try to prevent their babies from using their cell phones, babies over 6 months old will lose their temper and even want to play with their cell phones even more. Crying is a normal way for them to express their dissatisfaction and anger.
What about the baby robbing the cell phone?
When babies compete for mobile phones, most parents’ first reaction is to take them away.
But in fact, parents did not really take away the mobile phone: they just raised the mobile phone higher or moved to another place to continue playing.
For the baby, if robbing a mobile phone is only a simple game, then robbing a higher and moving mobile phone is a more interesting advanced game, so the baby will grab his parents’ arms or sleeves, try to reach the mobile phone, or climb to another place to try to get the mobile phone.
In fact, always let the baby want to rob the mobile phone, but always don’t let them grab it, this is tantamount to constantly damaging the baby’s confidence, let them feel more and more frustrated. Instead of this, it is better to simply put the mobile phone out of the baby’s vision.
Can I watch my cell phone when I am with my baby?
In modern life, mobile phones are becoming more and more important. Parents will feel that mobile phones (or iPad, computer, etc.) seem to stick to their hands. On the other hand, parents will secretly blame themselves in their hearts for holding their mobile phones instead of accompanying their babies wholeheartedly.
Now, the question arises: Can I watch my cell phone when I am with my baby?
Whether parents or the elderly come to bring the baby, the smaller the baby, the more time and energy it takes, and the baby will almost become the whole life of the caregiver.
Even so, caregivers have independent personalities and need to have their own lives. Therefore, Meng Ma’s answer is:
Of course, you can watch your mobile phone, but you must first meet the three principles of accompanying your baby!
Three Principles of Accompanying Babies
1. Ensure security
All kinds of baby accidents emerge one after another. The reason is that many adults do not consider them from the perspective of babies.
Meng Ma saw an old man tell his 9-month-old baby, “Sit down and I’ll be right back], and then ran to the kitchen to pour boiling water without any monitoring.” There are also parents who put the sleeping baby on the big bed and went to the kitchen to cook. In a short time, the baby woke up and fell out of bed…
We cannot ask our babies to pay attention to safety by adult standards.
What we need to do is to create a safe environment for our baby as much as possible: anti-collision angle, anti-collision strip, taking away sharp things, anti-pinch hands, anti-fragile articles, anti-skid, anti-fall, anti-climbing, anti-door opening…
Only by ensuring a safe environment for the baby to move freely can he breathe a sigh of relief.
2. Timely [Harmonious Response]
A large number of studies have shown that if the baby can establish a close and strong relationship with at least one person before the age of 2, it will help the baby to concentrate on brain development and learn various things, and learn to cope with various pressures in future life.
However, what the baby needs is not unlimited response, but [Attuned Responses].
What is a harmonious response? Adults need to clearly know the following three points:
- What is the baby’s interest and how long is this interest? Is the baby how expressing that he is tired or uncomfortable? The baby’s signal and posture both represent what?
Only when you know the above three points well can you respond to your baby with a smile, posture and intimate physical contact in a timely manner.
3. Effective companionship
If timely response emphasizes [fast], then effective companionship emphasizes [accurate].
This is called “reasonable care” by the academic circle, which refers to meeting the real needs of the baby’s heart, not the needs that adults think.
Speaking of which, I can’t help but say a few more words. Most parents in China, especially the elderly, like to teach their children [performance skills] when accompanying their children. After the guests come, they will let the baby recite a few poems, sing a few songs and dance a few dances… This is the typical demand of the baby that adults think of themselves.
Perhaps learning poetry, singing and dancing is good for some babies, but each baby has unique talents and interests. Adults should learn to understand the real needs of the baby’s heart before meeting them.
Some parents buy expensive clothes for their babies, take dressing up their babies as a pleasure in life, and take all kinds of photos to bask in-but perhaps for babies, they will not be moved by expensive clothes, just hope their parents can accompany them to play for a while!
Can I play with my mobile phone in what?
Do the above three points well, of course we can also play mobile phones! The time periods that can be played include:
1. Photography/camera time
Parents can use mobile phones as a tool to promote parent-child communication.
For example, take photos and videos of the baby, and then watch these contents with the baby. Collecting some other photos and feeling the different forms of existence of everything in the world with your baby will also help expand your baby’s understanding and knowledge.
2. Baby’s Independent Exploration Time
The baby will have some time to play alone from birth.
It may only take 1 or 2 minutes at the beginning, but with the development of the baby’s body and the learning of skills, the baby will be able to play alone for longer and longer.
We always like to interact and play with our baby, but independent exploration is also helpful to cultivate the baby’s self-awareness, independence, self-confidence and exploration desire. At this time, on the premise of ensuring the safety of the baby, you can play with your mobile phone appropriately.
3. Baby’s Rest Time
There is no need to say anything about this. However, it should be reminded that accompanying the baby is also quite exhausting work, and it is also necessary to take time to rest.
Otherwise, after the baby sleeps, look at the cell phone, and the time will pass unconsciously. At this time, we are tired and need to face the energetic baby after waking up. It is really stressful.
- If you don’t plan to let your baby play with your mobile phone, hide your mobile phone completely so as not to repeatedly attack your baby’s self-confidence and self-esteem in the process of competing for your mobile phone. You can also have your own life with your baby. On the premise of ensuring safety, timely response and effective companionship, you can play with your mobile phone for a while when your baby rests and explores independently. If the baby needs you, he must put down his cell phone immediately.
Responsible Editor: Yidan
The article was reprinted by Clove Garden authorized by the author.