Ding Ma said
For mothers, when their children are over two years old, the biggest problem is not eating, drinking, pulling and scattering, but the cultivation of behavior habits.
Stay in bed in the morning and refuse to get up until the last moment.
When I’m going out, I still dally.
When I went out, I went crazy and refused to go home until it was dark.
Older children, doing homework is simply a loafer.
How many times have you been worried and angry about these things about your children?
In the past, Ding Ma sometimes couldn’t hold it back. The current method is to count to ten silently in my heart before I want to get angry, or simply call Ding Dad to continue to push forward. I’ll calm down and go for a while.
How can children correct their habit of procrastination?
Why do children procrastinate?
When parents find their children’s procrastination, they often directly assume that the children are deliberately procrastinating, because they are lazy, and because they are fond of playing, they delay serious matters. Therefore, they are very angry and think that there is something wrong with the children.
However, in fact, the delay of most children is closely related to the parents. Either the parents are not patient enough and urge too much, or the parents do not understand the reason why the children are dawdling, so they cannot prescribe the right medicine.
Therefore, don’t blame the children all for this.
Besides, procrastination is too common, not only in children but also in adults. It is not a great crime in what.
However, children are more opposed to their parents’ demands or arrangements, while adults are more enemies of the environment and themselves.
It should be stressed that some situations are not [procrastination], but the child really can’t, he can’t finish it by himself, or because [dare not], the child is afraid to do it or the result of things.
How to solve the child’s [procrastination]?
If they find their children procrastinating, parents may as well follow the following steps:
1. Check if you are not patient enough.
This is a problem that many families have.
In fact, our adults’ estimation of time is sometimes inaccurate, and children’s movements cannot be as fast as we expected.
Let’s take a look at parents’ own patience and expectations by giving two examples.
In the first example, the child swam out in the shower. The mother did not swim. Although she took off her down jacket, she still felt very hot in the high temperature of the dressing room, so she kept urging the child to wash quickly.
Her daughter is about 9 years old, I washed my hair (long hair tied into ponytails) and took a bath inside. The adults who went in with her only came out a little faster than her. Supposedly, the speed has been very fast, but the mother is constantly urging outside. When wearing clothes, because the body is wet and the place is narrow, the speed of the child’s dressing is not slow, but the efficiency is not high and he appears clumsy. In addition, the mother nagging aside, the more the child thinks about it, the more mistakes he makes. Both the mother and daughter are sweating and scowling.
The second example is the father and his 5-year-old son. The father called his son to run, and the son came out to put on his shoes at the door and tied his shoelaces one by one. In my opinion, the tie was quite good, but his father’s request was that when he called his son’s name, the son should immediately put down his book and shout [to]; When he gives the instruction to “put on shoes and set off”, the son should trot to the door [swish swish] to kick off slippers, push on running shoes, and tie shoelaces quickly and neatly.
The gap between reality and ideal is quite large. Unfortunately, the father did not correct his ideal, but blamed his son for not acting as fast as a real soldier.
2. See if the child really can’t
(1) Parents sometimes overestimate their children’s abilities,
Sometimes they don’t want to believe that their children are low in ability. Parents always think that their children should be at the middle or upper level.
However, as a result, children’s intelligence and ability development are not balanced and they may not be proficient in everything. Secondly, there are always children below the average.
Therefore, some children may really have more than they can do and are not skilled or understand their parents’ instructions.
(2) More often than not, parents do not know their children.
Due to the lack of professional training and the lack of a large family living environment, parents cannot make horizontal comparisons. Sometimes they use the 5-year-old standard to require 3-year-old children and the 10-year-old standard to measure 6-year-old children, etc.
This is unfair to children.
(3) Expectations rise with the circle of friends.
There are often legendary or published [other people’s children] as role models, and parents are more likely to be too demanding of their children.
3. Understand the real reasons behind the delay
After excluding the above two factors of “not complaining about children”, let’s take a look at why sometimes parents demand normal, but children are not willing to do it when they can.
This involves the issue of motivation.
Some children will explicitly ask: [Why do you want to…? Although some children did not ask the question, they actually felt the same dissatisfaction in their hearts: [With what? I don’t like it! ].
The act of procrastination itself is that the child is telling you his heart with actions: he is not willing to do it.
Facing the children’s resistance, Parents are not only dissatisfied with their children’s behavior, More annoyed by the child’s disobedience to bring their own sense of offense, I feel that my authority as a parent has been challenged. Especially when parents think [I am doing this for hello, you should follow it, and you should understand right and wrong], parents will feel wronged outside their anger, and their dissatisfaction with their children will become deeper, which is obvious from their attitude: criticism, accusation, and even abuse.
These are all wrong, but they will make things worse.
As their parents said, the younger their children are, the less they can set correct goals and plans for themselves, and the less they can diligently implement them.
Although children rely on their parents’ teaching, in fact, children also want to believe in their parents. Every child expects his parents to be strong and intelligent, able to help himself and support himself to achieve his goals.
When children use procrastination to say [NO], parents should realize and adjust their guidance style and strategy.
(1) arouse the child’s interest before the child is ten years old.
This stage is the period when children’s behavior changes from heteronomy to self-discipline. During this period, parents should find ways to cultivate and promote their children’s achievement motivation, make [should + must] things interesting, fruitful and confident, and make children [like + willing].
Take a slightly boring study as an example. Parents should study with their children in kindergarten and participate in + lead. During the adaptation period of the first grade of primary school, parents can accompany, guide and encourage appropriately. From the second grade onwards, encouragement and punishment should go hand in hand.
(2) After the child is ten years old, it is more important to understand the reasons.
There are still delays. Parents can communicate with their children first. Communication is not about parents reasoning, persuading, forcing or letting their children vent. The first step in communication is to let the children speak freely and understand their real thoughts.
This is what I met with several children over the age of 10 who delayed:
[It’s no use telling them, but they have a lot of reasons waiting for you.]
[They never listen to me. Not listen, listen to me, what. No matter what I say about what, they all say what you say is wrong. You can’t think that.]
[No matter what I say about what, they all say that we understand you very well, but…]
These dialogues show that parents are either self-righteous or lazy and unwilling to find a solution that can convince their children.
The purpose of communication is to see if parents can do some what and children should bear some what after understanding their children’s real thoughts.
From procrastination, we can see the children’s misunderstanding and ability status, and from procrastination, we can see the room for improvement.
Our aim is not only to eliminate children’s procrastination, but also to achieve all-round growth of children.
4. Don’t forget to deal with your child’s emotions
The emotions shown in procrastination are unclear and not intense, and are often ignored by parents.
As a matter of fact, parents can feel the children’s unwillingness, unwillingness, dare not and dislike. Due to the children’s personality, age and other reasons, not expressing does not mean there is no emotion.
Therefore, when the parents finish the reason, the children lazily elongate and say [all right…], the parents should not think it is really good, but must ask the children, [you don’t sound willing, can you tell me why? ]
If the parents don’t ask and pretend not to hear, nine times out of ten the result will be that the children are not good at doing it and will not carry it out if they say so.
Therefore, when a child repeatedly uses requests, conditions and mutters, it is the child who expresses his unwillingness and parents must pay attention to it.
Trust and communication can truly solve the delay.
If you want to solve the problem of children’s procrastination, you must have a thorough understanding of their thoughts.
If it is what should be done, parents should help their children set goals, find motives, and increase the joy and sense of achievement of their behaviors.
If it is beyond the children’s ability or acceptance range, parents should also learn to deal with it flexibly, lower expectations or reset goals, and give the children what is suitable, rather than what the parents think is correct.
On the basis of mutual trust, smooth communication between parents and children can truly solve the problem of procrastination.