When we find that we have not met the social standard of “good looking” in some aspects, we will inevitably feel depressed.
No matter how beautiful people are, they will also find themselves [not good-looking] in some angles and in some costumes. However, most of us [have to endure our imperfect appearance] most of the time, and even attribute our unhappiness in life to our lack of natural beauty.
I know, this feeling is uncomfortable. So, is it possible for us to start from the heart and not be affected by it?
I hope today’s article can help you.
Is it what?
Our evaluation of [beauty] and [ugliness] has been changing with the times. At the same time, the standards of beauty and ugliness in different cultures also conflict with each other.
One fact is that the [US] standard has never been objective.
So, if you are dissatisfied with your appearance, ask yourself: Why do I feel this way? Where did I come from?
- TV plays and movies: Yes, we often watch TV, and we hope our appearance is more like those people. TV Advertisement: Skin is delicate and smooth, moist and elastic? No excrescence at the waist and no hairs on the body surface? Her hair was shiny and her eyelashes were thick and long? Stop dreaming, the purpose of the advertisement is just to make your products sell better. The appearance characteristics it [sells] may not have real attraction. Magazine photos: These photos have been carefully trimmed. To be honest, if a living person with no fat and no wrinkles appears in front of me in real life, I will feel horrified-the wax figure is alive! Runway models: Models are thin in order not to distract the audience’s attention from their clothes. Take models as an example to declare [thin is beautiful]? Please, let’s not make clothes hangers.
In fact, everyone has his own beauty.
Do you still remember the story of [Ugly Duckling]? In your memory, does the ugly duckling become beautiful when it grows up? But in fact, the ugly duckling has always been beautiful. It just lives in an environment where all the duck cells around it look different from it.
Because [different], so [ugly]? It doesn’t make sense!
It is better to collect some characters who look like you and you think are beautiful, collect photos, video materials and posters of her (he), and try to dress up like her (he) when attending corresponding occasions.
In this process, you will realize more deeply that the [US] standard is always changing and will always be a diversified evaluation standard.
That is to say, not meeting a certain [US] standard does not mean [ugliness]. Even in the same country, even in the same year, the [US] standard is constantly changing and becoming more yuan.
Face yourself squarely
Someone must have praised some part of your appearance. Don’t lie to me, there must be, but you don’t take it seriously or think it is not true.
I met a beautiful girl who changed a part of me: once, whenever others praised me, I didn’t know how to respond, so I had to smile and don’t talk. The first time we met, I couldn’t help admiring her beautiful words.
She made me look at my eyes unexpectedly and say [thank you]. Her eyes were full of laughter, then she turned back and continued to write.
Later, when I got to know her well, I asked her, others might just say it casually or even tease her. She told me seriously that I knew that I was worthy of praise!
After that, some girls took the initiative to ask me out, and I no longer refused because I felt inferior. When they praised me, I also tried to say [thank you].
This matter is very magical. After accepting the praise of others, our psychological distance seems to be getting closer.
In addition, I try to ask my friends why they like to play with me. The answers I get are often unexpected. This makes me realize that in fact, my understanding of myself is too limited to the negative aspects and ignores more positive aspects.
Since then, I have formed a habit of taking the initiative to tell the bright spots of my friends. The unexpected surprise expression of my friend is the best reward I have ever received.
Make yourself feel better
Since there is no absolute objective standard, our judgment on our appearance often comes from the outside world and our own evaluation, and the latter is often deeply influenced by the former.
When we are subjected to vicious evaluations, we often feel [uncomfortable]. The first thing we have to do is to face them directly.
1. Do you feel what?
If you feel [uncomfortable], you can ask yourself the following questions:
- Why do I suddenly feel so uncomfortable in my heart? Stimulated by the advertisement? Did your friends laugh at you? Too hungry? Too sleepy? Or another what? My [uncomfortable] thoughts come from how? Am I ugly? I must lose weight? Or [the world is thin]?
In fact, these thoughts are too normal for everyone to have. But they will disappear like they suddenly appear.
You can choose not to be influenced by them, not to fight against them, not to use them as your strange motivation to change yourself.
Of course you can make some changes, but please remember that only when the change in action is for [yourself], in order to make yourself healthier and more confident, can it last and turn to a benign track.
- [I’m ugly? [Well, I have to admit, it’s not beautiful.] [I’m too fat? [Well, not a skinny man, but healthy.] [Objectively speaking, my weight has reached the standard of obesity. I know, this is not healthy enough.] [The world is skinny? [Well, most of the time, skinny people do have an easier life. But I also have my life! ]
The above ideas, we think, are healthy.
Step 2 Shut up the bad people around you
Human beings are really boring, and there are always people who like to make fun of individuals who are different from most people in the group.
There will always be people who think [fat] [strange-looking] is a funny thing or should be [corrected]. When you meet such people, you have the right to shout out such words to them as [you are childish] [I don’t want to hear].
Happy, healthy and safe people will not have time to laugh at others. Those who hurt others must have their own hidden injuries, and even they may not realize them.
I know, it’s hard.
We need to make it clear that the bad feeling is not brought by [I am ugly], but by [someone invades me with words].
There is no need to quarrel with such people, and there is no need to take other people’s attacks as [facts]. You have the right to choose to stay away from friends who intentionally or unintentionally hurt you and make friends with easy-going and kind people.
Also, it is necessary to distinguish between verbal aggression and friendly advice. Not to say that “three days are decided and seven days are decided by dressing up”, you can learn more from friends who are good at dressing up. Cosmetic skills, hairstyle changes and costume matching can all make people look brand-new.
3. Treat yourself like your best friend
Do you describe your best friend as “fat woman” and “ugly”?
Don’t talk about yourself like that, you have to treat yourself like your beloved.
You can try to write a letter to yourself, assuming that you are deeply in love with yourself-of course, if it turns into an empty hymn like the Spring Festival Gala, wait until inspiration comes.
Remember, the word “ugly” is only used by middle school students who are not mature enough and adults who are extremely insecure. It rarely appears in daily conversation.
Your friends will be frightened by your self-description of [being ugly].
Think about it. How many times in your life have you felt that others are [ugly]? It is true that most people are just [ordinary in appearance] [ordinary in body] and not [ugly].
4. Seek the necessary professional help
If you really feel that your words are too ugly to take to the streets, to deal with people, to work, study and live normally, then you may need to turn to a professional psychiatrist or psychological consultant.
- If you think much less of your appearance than others think of you, You may really need to see a doctor. If you have intermittent refusal to eat, overeating and vomiting behaviors due to appearance problems, you may really need to see a doctor. If you are not only concerned about your appearance, but also dissatisfied with all aspects of yourself and even have the idea of “dying”, you really need to see a doctor.
Learn to feel better about yourself
The following suggestions may help you feel more confident about yourself.
1. Find something you are good at and love
When we do what we love, we feel better about ourselves. If we haven’t encountered such a thing yet, we can try to find it:
- Think about it, did you want to be what when you were a child? Write down all the things you love to do and want to do at that time. List the names of the people you admire, write down why you worship them, and write down that they have what relations with the things you love. If you are sure to succeed, what do you want to be what most? Write it down.
2. Make yourself better at what you love
After learning that things in what make us happy, we can try to do more. According to the actual situation, you can make what you love a living habit or even become your new career.
If the threshold for things we love is high, we can study hard, attend training courses or study online courses, or buy some reference books.
If the direction you are striving for is what you really love, then in the process of striving, you will feel light and happy. If, on the contrary, you feel heavy and burdened, you may want to consider finding new things to focus on.
3. Enhance the attractiveness of all aspects
Yes, I have to admit that [love at first sight] is mainly the contribution of appearance, but [attraction] is really not just about appearance.
A person’s intelligence, friendliness, sense of humor, confidence and healthy lifestyle are all sources of [attraction].
In addition, people will also prefer people who have more objective self-evaluation, more stable emotions, and strong self-care and living abilities.
So, how much do you fit?
Step 4: Learn to dress yourself up
[Dressing] does not mean heavy make-up or grandstanding, but preparing the right dress for the right occasion-if appropriate, plus polite and friendly way of speaking, elegant and courteous but not exaggerated manners, what we look like has far less influence on the attraction of appearance than you may imagine.
So, how to [dress up]?
- Bring your charming smile: when entering the room, we can all smile politely when looking at people, greeting people and talking. Wear bright red: red dress will bring goodwill and attract attention, even if it is only red running shoes, red handbags and red hairpins; Wear light make-up: Light make-up is especially helpful to improve one’s mental outlook, but too much is not good-no one likes people wearing masks.
Step 5 Make yourself comfortable
You must have felt that you will feel better after tidying up your home, taking a bath, putting on light makeup and putting on appropriate clothes.
Yes, in order to be more confident, we need to take good care of our lives.
- The most basic is personal hygiene: take a bath regularly, cut nails regularly, trim nasal hair, tidy up the room, bask in quilts once a week, and change pillowcases, quilt covers and bed sheets frequently. Then there are clothes: the most important thing for clothes is to fit, and the color is suitable for you. If you can highlight the body parts that you are satisfied with through clothes, it would be even better, but there is no need to hide the parts that you are not satisfied with. The body is the body. There is also self-care: regular hair mask, facial mask, pedicure, massage and other [care work] that make you feel comfortable, which can make people feel refreshed.
6. Take good care of your body
Eating, sleeping and exercising regularly must be done well.
Adults need an average of 7 to 8 hours of sleep a day, while young people aged 12 to 18 who are growing up need 9 to 11 hours of sleep a day. Lack of sleep may lead to obesity and health problems.
In addition to regular eating, we also need to ensure the intake of various nutrients. We can try to reduce the amount of each kind of food and increase the types of food we hold. However, note that this [type] is not the type of [egg] and [duck egg], but the type of vegetables, fruits, eggs, milk, fish, beans and meat.
Next, let’s talk about regular exercise. Healthy adults should take at least 40 minutes of exercise at least three times a week, such as running, swimming, aerobics, etc., to make themselves sweat, make themselves feel refreshed, and make the whole person [burn].
People with healthy lifestyles will really be more attractive!