It is said that good children are praised, but there are always some parents who do not master the correct method when praising their children, often [flattering on the hoof], and do not get the desired effect.
Today, Dr. Clove invited Mr. Qin Nan, a psychological consultant, to share some of his experiences in praising children.
Praise the child, don’t say these words
The child did something he was satisfied with and was full of feedback from his parents. As a result, many parents opened their mouths, which was the rhythm of [manual customer service has been offline, and now I will transfer artificial intelligence customer service for you].
What do you mean? Dr. Clove will give you an example.
There was a baby from Baoma’s family who loved painting very much. The child ran to find her with the [masterpiece] that had been painted all afternoon:
Mom, mom, is my painting good?
Is it really good?
Really! It’s really nice!
Then, after the dialogue was over, the child’s expression was: Ha ha.
In fact, the child’s reaction is predictable: after such praise, the child may feel that [his painting is not very good-looking].
Therefore, it is very important to praise children: to be distracted.
After listening to the praise from parents, the children will feel great.
There is also a kind of [praise] that needs parents’ attention.
For example, there is a child who loves to write and draw indoors, and his athletic ability such as running and jumping is not as good as that of other children.
On one occasion, this child ran with several children of the same age and came in second from bottom. He was unhappy. His parents felt sorry for his child and said:
The baby is quite good, at least not the last ~
Hearing this, I can only have black lines on my face: to tell the truth, is this [boast] or [black]?
In this way, [which pot does not open and which pot does not mention] arouses the baby’s lack of confidence. Of course, when he opens his mouth, he is the rhythm of [the other party does not want to leave you and throws a cold expression at you].
Therefore, praise also requires skills. Next, Dr. Clove will talk about the four-step rule of praising children.
Praise your child and follow four steps.
1. Watch people order food
Praise children need to choose the timing of praise according to their age, ability level and personality.
For example, we can praise the 3-year-old baby for brushing his teeth every day, but if we say this to the older child who is about to go to primary school, I believe he will not be happy either.
2. Specific and specific
Praise cannot be vague, it must be specific.
Just like the example just mentioned by Dr. Clove, if you praise your child for his good painting and be more specific, the effect will be very different.
For example, say this:
The baby drew really well! Oh, the pattern on the mother’s flower skirt is so beautiful, and the little hat on the baby’s head is so cute!
The trick is to throw away the vague praise of [you are great] [you are so good] and instead describe the facts and say it in a praiseworthy tone.
This kind of praise will make the child feel concerned, and every detail can be repeated by himself. He also feels great and forms positive encouragement for himself, and the child will get better and better.
STEP 3 Find Praiseworthy Points
Although children can be praised for running second from bottom, they should pay attention to finding points worthy of praise.
For example, you can say this:
The baby ran such a long way today, which is better than last time. Does my baby still have perseverance?
Praise a child through a quality, [perseverance], and he will not only receive praise, but will feel that he is acquiring a good quality.
In this process, parents have set up a brand-new and positive self-image for their children. In the long run, they will not worry about their children being not outstanding.
4. Don’t exaggerate too much, use [what others say] skillfully.
Sometimes, parents are too enthusiastic and exaggerated in praise, which will cause unnecessary pressure to children.
For example, some parents praise their children:
Baby, the children’s painting you painted today was rated as the best in the class. You should work hard and strive to be a great painter in the future! Mom believes you.
Such compliments with [ardent] expectations are a burden and pressure on children. If the pressure is too great, children may even feel evasive or rebellious.
The following [praise from others] is a more suitable way:
Baby, the teacher in the painting class told me today that your painting won the first place, saying that your painting was exquisite, colorful and finished quickly. Baby, you did a really good job.
In this way, the psychological burden of the child will be reduced, the truth of praise will be felt by the child, and the child will be encouraged to continue to actively accomplish the right thing.
Well, today Dr. Clove took out all the dry goods at the bottom of the closet and shared them with everyone. Finally, to sum up:
1. Appropriate praise, praise should be in line with actual ability and age.
2. Be specific and specific. Tell the facts you see and feel in a praiseworthy tone.
3. Find a praiseworthy point and refine praiseworthy qualities for praiseworthy behaviors.
4. Let the praise be more true and sincere, not too enthusiastic, exaggerated and skillfully use the words of the third person.