How can we avoid the shortcoming of “raising children from other generations” to the greatest extent and the whole family work together to raise children well?

In desperation, many families can only rely on the elderly to take care of their children and passively choose to educate their children from generation to generation.

In addition to different living habits, there may be discomfort in getting along with each other. Parents are more worried that the improper or even wrong way for the elderly to take care of their children will have adverse effects on the growth of their children.

Therefore, even if we rely on the help of the elderly during the day, we should still pay attention to methods and strategies and try our best to create a relatively ideal parenting environment.

How to create an environment that avoids the shortcomings of [intergenerational upbringing] to the greatest extent? Here are some methods:

1. Non-dependency (weaning) mentality

Since the elderly are chosen to participate in child-rearing, young parents can still maintain psychological independence, which is more important than a mentality.

For example, on the first night Louis was born, we took away the old man and stayed up late in the hospital to sleep poorly. The old man’s body could not stand it.

As an adult, as long as you express your commitment and confidence to take care of your baby, as well as your care and love for the elderly, and eliminate their worries, the elderly cannot refuse.

2. Try to bring your own children as soon as possible.

Take maternity leave, weekends and work. When the couple are unable to take care of their children, it is the time for the elderly to take care of them. Even if there are family matters to be busy, it is the same temporary time to entrust the children to the elderly for help.

My mother has no problem with this, because she has her own hobbies (singing beautiful songs on the Internet). However, Eva’s grandparents like [robbing children] better. They really like children in their hearts, but they don’t have much boundary. They are also over-protected and all the other aspects are fine. Fortunately, we have a choice, so basically it is my mother who helps.

I still highly recommend taking my own baby during maternity leave, because babies of several months old generally do not get sick, do not need too many people to take care of them, and can also make the elderly work less hard.

The biggest advantage of taking your baby during maternity leave is that people have the least interference with the baby, and the baby can easily form its own life rules and take it well.

3. Maintaining the dominant position of childcare

To establish the authority of parents is that you can handle children better than the elderly. This is another very important benefit of taking care of children as soon as possible.

How can we handle children better than the elderly? The secret is to take care of your own children during maternity leave.

For example, my mother didn’t come until she was more than five months old. I told her not to urinate, but she still tried secretly while I was at work. As a result, she didn’t urinate after half an hour’s hard work. As soon as she put on diapers, she urinated. From then on, my mother gave up urinating.

Competing for the dominant position of child-rearing is the main source of the contradiction between the next generation and the next generation. The solution is not to move out books, experts and stories of other people’s families, but to create more opportunities for them to take care of their children. Whoever takes care of them will naturally occupy the dominant position.

Until today, we have handled the vast majority of the situation of Eva earlier than my mother. We can handle Eva. What else does the old man have to say?

4. Find problems in time and intervene as soon as possible.

Even if parents work during the day, it is easy to observe the children’s absence from the details of daily life, find problems in time and intervene.

For example, Louis threw pillows tentatively before going to bed for a period of time. We have a good limit to deal with. Later, my grandparents came for a while. Louis performed very well at first. We were confused by the ideal situation and relaxed the supervision to meet the needs of my grandparents to accompany my baby more. However, under the excessive attention of my grandparents, there was a problem with the limit and Louis began to become capricious and nonsense.

We took the opportunity to clearly divide the work with our grandparents again and let Louis have a regular life. Louis threw pillows many times and we ignored him. Just when he was deadlocked, Louis found himself a step down. For the first time, he said, “Mom, sing a song.”

Louis usually asked to tell stories and never asked to sing. When I finished singing, Louis clapped and said, “Give Mom a clap!” ] My mother said, “Thank you, Louis. Come and give me a kiss.” I kissed him, hugged him to the pillow and put it down. Naturally Louis picked up the pillow and went back to bed. He didn’t throw it away again. He fell asleep with peace of mind and satisfaction.

Even if all we have to do with Louis is tell stories and throw pillows before going to bed, Can also see Louis’s living condition from throwing pillows. A while ago, he was mainly tentative throwing, and found that there were rules. Later, the boundary gradually disappeared, and it developed to throw pillows many times a day. After throwing, he was very anxious to pick them up. Without the rules, he was still in an unsatisfied state.

But without the rules, Louis would also be uneasy. He knew it was not good and was upset by his behavior, but he just couldn’t control throwing pillows willfully.

Through some side behaviors of children, you can judge the state that they are not in front of your eyes, provided you know them well enough.

The more you understand, the easier it is to find abnormal signals.

This is how we found many problems with my mother’s baby. We usually solve them through family meetings and negotiations. Everything is under control.

5. Respect the boundaries of the elderly and provide timely help.

Yes, you blame the old man for taking over and interfering in the way you take care of your baby. In fact, the old man also needs boundaries. This means that when the old man takes care of the baby alone, the old man has the right to try according to his own ideas, and you cannot interfere either.

Just like you arrange a job for your subordinates, no matter how meticulous your requirements are, you cannot stare at your subordinates to ensure that they operate exactly as you say. If you happen to be in the role of this subordinate, you must be very unhappy, and so must the old man.

For example, my mother is not very good at Dingwa crying, losing her temper, rebellious and rebellious. We will not preach all day long, but will push out my mother’s situation by observing the child’s situation.

When we find that she is not in good condition, we will ask her if she needs help, if there is a way for you to try, and then explain to him why the child has this situation.

What is more important is to show her that our handling method has indeed improved and can be handled, so that my mother can easily accept it.

6. Don’t argue in front of the children

For example, one night, my mother squeezed Louis grape juice, but Louis did not eat it. We were not present and did not know the situation at that time, but the old woman was very angry, and the two men became unhappy like this. We heard the news and arrived, just in time for the old woman to give it to him despite Louis’ resistance. Louis was angry and wanted to beat himself.

In the face of such a situation, we couldn’t bear to see it any more. We began to say that the grandmother couldn’t force Louis to eat like this. When he grew up, he couldn’t force Louis to eat any more. The grandmother was also very wronged, saying that he would eat when we were not at home, and he wouldn’t eat when we were at home.

Louis saw that someone was giving him [backing] and even carried out the resistance to the end, not even drinking water.

This matter has aroused our reflection.

When there are only two people, Louis will always compromise because she can’t grind, but Louis finds that when we support his resistance, he is confident and the resistance is more intense.

Especially when we argued with our grandmother in front of Louis, Louis knew how to take advantage of our dispute and refused to eat even more.

We realized that the worst result was to argue in front of the children. The rules on both sides failed completely and Louis-what rules could be disobeyed. The corresponding is that either we took over Louis to eat or we walked away and did not participate. Louis did obey a lot.

7. Give full play to the individual advantages of the elderly

My mother’s characteristics are easy communication, acceptance of new things, independence from me, and not too much attention to her baby.

Therefore, we fully influenced my mother. For example, my mother saw that Louis’s great athletic ability was developed by herself and would not promote it. For example, she very much abides by the boundaries we have set for the baby, and those who go out to climb stairs in what stick to the bottom line. She also feels a sense of accomplishment when the baby is well raised.

For even grandparents who seldom come, there are still places to play. Once we gave my mother a two-month vacation and invited grandparents to change shifts. The advantage of grandparents is that they will not force feeding. They are very concerned and good at cultivating children’s living habits.

Facts have proved that our choice was right. Seeing Louis’s rapid progress in eating and other areas, my grandparents also felt a sense of accomplishment.

When my mother came back two months later, she could not handle Louis and could no longer force him to eat. This is exactly the role played by the different individual advantages of grandparents and grandmothers.

8. Accept reality

When you think that you can clearly provide a better environment and education for your children, but the limitations of the elderly are dragging you down, think that you have overestimated the resources you can provide for your children by mistake, and you can balance a lot.

It was discovered that this is how I adjusted myself.

Some people say that some of the above methods are not universal. For example, the elderly are stubborn and unreasonable. What if they don’t listen anyway?

Although I have a mother who is enviable and enlightened and good at communication, in fact every old man has very stubborn aspects, such as my mother’s psychological shadow in feeding, such as grandparents’ many reasons did not make sense at first, which is indeed the reality that the old man has to face with her.

What should I do? There is no other way, either don’t need the old man to bring his own, or try to establish his own authority to bring his own baby. The old man sees that the way you bring your baby makes the child in good condition, and most stubbornness can be somewhat reduced.

9. Long live understanding

One of the most important problems faced by the elderly is the sense of gap after retirement. After working all one’s life, where to find a sense of value and achievement after retirement.

At the same time, the old people are facing aging, disease and the end point of life-death. The body is irreversible day by day. Every day they hear and see who is ill and who is dead. Most of their own parents are not alive. The next time may be their turn.

Under such a big psychological background, the children asked them to help bring their grandchildren, which is simply the only flower of life in full bloom in the sad environment of the old man.

As long as the old people are not forced to come, they all want to take care of their children. Who does not want them to be good for their offspring?

Therefore, even if they lack the way to bring babies, we should give them more tolerance.

No matter when and where, do you want someone to come and tell you what to do and point out a lot of your problems? Or do you want someone to accept and understand your shortcomings, recognize your efforts and efforts, give you the opportunity to make mistakes and improve, provide the help you need, and let you realize small achievements?

This [acceptance + recognition] mentality can deal with children’s problems, but it can also be used on partners and the elderly.

As a matter of fact, it is we who are pointing fingers and blocking the opportunity for the elderly to correct their mistakes and learn lessons.

Finally, if none of these can work, we really meet the old people who cannot be changed, and we have to let the old people take their babies, then we can only accept the reality, accept the shortcomings of the old people, and accept the shortcomings of the children. It’s not a big deal. Take your time.

Parenting is a rare thing in your life. You can have the opportunity to dominate from scratch. There is no historical burden. There is only one partner (your partner). You really have the opportunity to create a relatively efficient, ideal and most suitable environment for you, even if there are other participants (such as the elderly) in this environment.