We often receive messages from parents saying that when the baby grows up, it becomes more and more troublesome: sometimes we don’t understand exactly what the baby is thinking about what, and we are half dead with anger if we are not careful.
Today, I invited Teacher Chang Run. She shared a good method that can help us understand whether the children really want what. Let’s listen to what she said.
Our kindergarten has open classes, and parents of children often attend.
Not long ago, a parent witnessed such a scene in our kindergarten: the 3-year-old son was running around and jumping around in the kindergarten. When the teacher saw it, he immediately went over and squatted down, looking up at him with a gentle tone. The child nodded and quieted down.
[My children are noisy at home and say that what does not listen. It is totally unreasonable. How does the teacher do it? ]
[What do you tell your children at home? ]
[That’s it.]
Parents rested on their hips, raised their fingers and pointed, and began to preach.
[You can try to squat down and communicate with your child again next time.]
If you want the child to listen to you, try squatting down.
Why don’t children who talk standing listen, but children who talk squatting listen? Let’s look at the comparison between the two pictures.
This comparison chart is often used in teacher training in our kindergarten. You can clearly observe that when an adult communicates with a child in two states of standing and squatting, what the child sees and feels is completely different.
When you stand and talk to your child, you are equivalent to a giant from the child’s perspective. Can you imagine talking to people twice as tall as yourself, is it what’s feeling?
Every time new teachers come to our kindergarten, One teacher sits on the ground and the other stands, then lets them talk and asks them how they feel. The teacher who sits tells us that she is [miserable], [tired], [neck hurts], [sometimes can’t hear each other clearly saying what], [really wants to end the conversation immediately]. These are also how the children feel when we look down at them and talk.
In this state, no matter how to reason and communicate with children, it is actually very difficult for them to concentrate on listening to us, see our facial expressions and let alone understand what we are saying.
Sometimes, the children are playing, although the mother is preaching, but actually did not listen, squat down to communicate with the children, look at the children’s eyes, they can:
- I feel that the most important thing for my mother now is to talk to me. I want to listen carefully. I can hear my mother talking about what more clearly. I learn pronunciation by observing the movements of my mother’s lips and tongue. I feel listened to, respected and more willing to cooperate with my mother.
This is obviously more effective than becoming a nagger.
Want to know the child is thinking what, squat down and try
In addition to communicating with children, squatting down can also help parents better understand their children.
Some parents often ask me, [why is my baby so timid], saying that when the child goes to the shopping mall, he will not want to go, and when he goes to the amusement park, he will also go to play amusement facilities, hoping to hug his mother’s leg and go nowhere.
This is something what is afraid of.
My younger brother and sister are all playing on the slide, so you should go too.
At this time, squat down and try to observe with the child’s vision. In fact, you can understand why.
- In the eyes of adults, a short road will be infinitely long in the eyes of children. In the eyes of adults, it is easy to control the slide, which is so high in the eyes of children. In the eyes of adults, the bustling square is only densely populated with legs, full of depression and tension in the eyes of children.
We will help children judge from the perspective of adults and think that everything is simple, but many things are really not so easy for children.
There are also many parents who will mention their children [naughty], who do not play with toys at home and drill tables and corners. Take the child out to play. The child stops and goes on the way to see which one he touches.
From the child’s visual point of view? For children, everything is very fresh. The corners, tables and legs of the home are adventure castles. The flowers, plants, insects and sand outside are all so novel that these things can attract children’s attention.
From this point of view, in fact, it is not so important where to play what. It is also a pleasure for us to squat down together and watch plants and animals play with sand with our children.
When you can’t help getting angry with your child, try squatting down.
I often see such scenes in public places:
Parents feel that their children are disobedient and shout at them. When the children dare not speak, they know how to cry. Parents look even angrier: “Did you listen or not, why didn’t you speak?” ! ]
If there is a mirror at this time, parents can see how terrible it is to look up at their expressions.
Children would have been under great pressure to look up at their children. If adults were angry and waving their hands, the children would only be frightened. Where would they dare to speak?
Some parents said: I also know it is not good to yell at children, especially outside, but I just can’t control myself.
At this time, you can also try to squat down.
When you squat down and look up at the child and see the child’s wronged face, you will find that things are not as bad as expected and you are not so angry.
Squat down, it’s just the beginning.
When I mentioned the method of squatting down with many parents, parents would find it a little difficult.
It may be a little awkward at the beginning of the test, but it will be a natural thing after getting used to it, just as it is natural for us not to play with mobile phones when talking with others.
Look, even Kate and Prince William, dressed in formal skirts and high heels, squat down to talk to their children, are they very loving?
Dehua Thorndike, a famous American psychologist, said: “Only when parents look at problems from the perspective of their children can they understand their children’s psychological needs and not make arbitrary conclusions. Only in this way can they reduce conflicts with their children and win their trust.”
The change of squatting posture is a form of understanding the child and a way to close the distance between you and the child. Through these behaviors, the child feels that he is worthy of understanding and respect.
You will find that the baby in front of you who makes you mad is not as naughty as you think. Their eyes are all your face, flashing and lovely.
Author: Chang Run