The so-called [effective] way of discipline
A good friend happily shared with me. Recently, she finally found an effective way to discipline:
When a child is not good or wants him to obey the rules, just say to him: [If he is not obedient, he cannot play ball or watch cartoons]. As soon as he hears that these things he likes to do may be cancelled, he will immediately settle down without scolding or nagging.
Hearing this, I frowned and shouted:
-What a terrible method! If I were a child, I would probably hate this feeling very much and feel betrayed.
-How can betrayal be involved?
-Because I let you know that I like what best, and as a result, you use this to threaten me and control me, which will make me feel unfair and hurt. Who wants you to know more things in the future?
Do children really think so much? We decided to go back and ask our children.
After dinner, I asked my daughter to tidy up her room. I didn’t think the young lady was too lazy to move on the sofa. I had a brainwave and moved out of the penalty clause: it is OK to have a rest just after the meal, but if I don’t tidy up the room before 8 o’clock, there will be no TV time tonight!
My daughter gave me a look, reluctantly turned down the sofa and went to tidy up the room.
I thought to myself, this is really useful, was it wrong to refrain from using it before?
Taking advantage of the bedtime story time, I pretended to casually ask, “Today is very good. As soon as Mom said you went to pack your things. However, you were talking about what at that time? ]
The daughter was very unhappy,
-If what doesn’t pack up, there will be no TV to watch! The two things have nothing to do with each other.
-It doesn’t matter, but you will react if you say so, otherwise you will certainly delay for a long time. What else would you say? You will be a mother and you will teach me.
-But I don’t think the room is very messy. Why do you have to clean it up today? And if you say so, I will not clean up myself in the future!
It is not appropriate to argue before going to bed, so kiss and hug to say good night.
I guess exactly right, this method is really problematic.
Such punishment broke the child’s heart.
Later, when I think about it, this method is actually a display of power. Only those with power can make the rules of the game. This seems to have distanced me from my children and returned to the traditional authoritative discipline. This is probably the most unacceptable part for me.
My friend reminded me that parents or teachers already have the so-called authority, which is not necessarily our choice. To some extent, authority is necessary and there is no need to stigmatize it too much.
But to me, authority should be like a crown awarded to me after children approve it.
I hope that my authority over my child comes from her trust and respect, just as there will always be one or two people in our life who have a lot of weight to say. If there is a what, I would like to ask that person’s opinion, instead of the kind of high-pressure authority from top to bottom.
Parents should become friends with their children, listen more to their children’s inner thoughts, and truly gain their children’s trust and respect.
It is better to understand [why can’t be done] than [can’t be done]
I suddenly became curious and did not know how my friend’s children would react to the same discipline.
-When you punished him for not doing what what did, you and he were both doing what?
-Each does his own thing. I’m so angry that I don’t care what he is doing!
-Do you think the child was angry with you at that time and did not reflect on what you wanted him to change?
-Well, it’s quite possible.
The friend finally fell into thinking.
Tips for Parents and Children:
1. Do a [punishment time parent-child activity] that suits your child’s personality. This feeling is not to deprive him of his favorite, but to create another period of parent-child time.
2. Prepare a [thinking corner]. When the child makes mistakes, please go to the [thinking corner] to calm down and think about it.
Depriving children of their favorites blurs the focus of the incident. It is better for children to think about [why do you want to do] or [why can’t you do] these things. Children must also have their own reasons. Calm down from each other, and then find out the fundamental solution through dialogue and discussion. Only in this way can every parent-child conflict be more meaningful and fruitful!
Is your love for children also [conditional]?
- Do you often use such sentences? [If you don’t, you can’t] [If you don’t, you can’t] [If you don’t, you won’t be liked.] If you don’t use this method, do we have any way to [call] the child? Why don’t the children accept our statement? What exactly is the problem? Will this [exchange] discipline make children feel that their parents actually love them [conditionally]? How can we punish our children and at the same time send a message of support and the same principle? If the child tells the reason or reason, are you willing to listen, accept and change your original decision? Will changing your decision make you feel humiliated, or will you be glad to have a consensus?