After giving birth to the child, my cousin often complained to me about some disrespectful behaviors of the people around me:
Sister, I sometimes regret having children. It’s not that I am pessimistic by nature, but that I find the environment around me too bad.
If nothing else, take my daughter’s 1st birthday as an example. My mother-in-law’s friends actually used lollipops as bait to teach my daughter to scold me [bad mother] in front of me. After success, all burst out laughing as if they had picked up gold.
My daughter is so young that she doesn’t understand what [bad] means in what. All she knows is that she tries to make [bad] lip sounds according to their requirements. My mother-in-law is embarrassed to say what because of her partiality. She also heckles to maintain this [laughter] atmosphere. Do they think my daughter is a toy?
Do you have similar experiences? What do you do when faced with other people’s [jokes]?
It is a serious problem to tease children like this.
What you think of as a joke may actually be disrespect for children.
1. Verbal disrespect
It is very common in China to use such words as the above as jokes to amuse children:
You see, you are not good, your mother does not want you! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…
Sell your grandmother and leave you alone at home. Ha, ha, ha, ha…
You see, this dress on your aunt’s body belongs to your mother. She was robbed by her aunt. Your mother has no clothes to wear. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…
[Perpetrators] are usually neighbors or relatives and friends, so although most parents feel uncomfortable, they are embarrassed to stop them directly due to their feelings.
As a parent, you [sorry] again and again, allowing others to cruelly disintegrate your child’s self-esteem, will make his small heart question the world, more serious, may lead him to form incorrect three views, affecting the development of his life.
2. Behavioral disrespect
When I was a child, I was also amused. At a family gathering, adults dipped wine with chopsticks for me to drink. Until now, I still remember the scene when I drank a little and swung around the table again and again, and then adults laughed.
It seems that there is no harm from what? No, the problem is much more serious than you think.
Just last year, Guangxi and Sichuan had two tragic incidents related to children’s drinking, because elders teased children to drink, resulting in secondary brain injury of one child and ineffective rescue of alcoholism of the other.
This makes one think that most people may have encountered this kind of [teasing] situation when they were young. Sometimes adults behave excessively and it is easy to bring indelible harm and shadow to children.
To protect children’s self-esteem, can we do something what?
To ensure that children’s self-esteem is not violated, perhaps parents can strive to do the following:
1. Tell the child the truth in advance so that he can see through the lies.
Grandma Tung Tong’s family has a neighbor’s grandfather. Every time she meets him, she will ask Tung Tong, “Tung Tong, why are you following a tiger behind your ass?” At first, Tung Tong would cry nervously and jump into my arms. I would tell Tung Tong directly: “The tiger’s home is in the wildlife park. This grandfather is talking nonsense. He is lying to you!” ]
Therefore, every time the next two people were rehearsing the script, when the neighbor finished talking about the tiger, Tong Tong directly replied, “Grandpa is lying to the baby!” ] And then get to know each other and laugh, just as a joke and laugh it off.
In this way, the grandfather also amused the child, and the child also felt that he could completely see through the lies of the grandfather, and he was very strong, so naturally there would be no what injury.
2. Dare to stop it face to face and become the [backer] in children’s hearts.
There is an old classmate in the community who was pregnant with a second child six months ago. Several times when she met a neighbor’s uncle with her daughter Linlin, the uncle would always say, “Linlin, your mother is going to give birth to a younger brother, and after giving birth to a younger brother, I don’t want you.” Linlin, who is under 3 years old, suffered such words, so she saw her uncle crying once.
At first, for the sake of neighbors and elders, the old classmates did not stop it. But several times, I found that my respect could not stop the uncle’s unscrupulous behavior. His behavior had already caused a lot of psychological harm to my daughter. The old classmates finally decided to stop the uncle’s evil behavior face to face.
One day, I met my uncle again. Before he could speak, my old classmates took the initiative to [attack]: Uncle, please don’t say in front of anyone that I don’t want Linlin if I want to have a younger brother, ok? No matter whether I have a younger brother or not, I will always be the mother who loves Linlin the most in the world. After my younger brother is born, she will also love Linlin and Linlin will love her younger brother. It is wrong for you to say so. “
I heard that some [uncle-type neighbors] who met [ungrateful] used the same words to tease Linlin again, but Linlin was unmoved and firmly told the other party: “You are talking nonsense, my mother said that she would love me forever!” ]
Being familiar with each other, being embarrassed and having a hard time with each other are not the reasons why they dare not stop their children from being teased face to face. However, protecting children’s healthy body and mind is far 1,000 times more important than the so-called kindness.
3. In case of special circumstances, it is not to be taunted or to hide.
Don’t think that there is no standard in children’s world. There are so many adults who have long been defined as [bad adults] by children.
Their daily life is usually vulgar and boring. Maybe I don’t know what [respect] is until now, So they judge by age, I feel that those children who are several years old are [easy to bully], and then use some low-level and foolish words to [tease] the children, and even use this kind of behavior as a flavoring agent for my boring life. However, this kind of disrespectful behavior is sometimes even shameless than physical violence. It cannot be seen or touched, but it will accidentally sting the innocent heart of the child.
In case of these [bad adults], it is suggested to see them from a distance and take a detour directly.
4. Give a hand to a helpless child when he is being amused.
Once I had a wedding banquet, Found that the adults at the next table all pointed the finger at the only little girl on the table, The little girl looks about 3 years old. A middle-aged man present here said he would give the little girl a doll, but the condition was that the little girl called him father. The little girl was helpless and her father was embarrassed. The whole scene seemed lively and cheerful, but the parties were not happy.
So, I said to Tong Tong, “Mom brought Lego for you. Why don’t you invite that little sister to take Lego with you? [Yes, yes.] After a while, the little girl and Tung Tong came to our table to play hand in hand. The little girl’s father cast a grateful look at me.
In many cases, the [joke] in adults’ eyes is really harmful and misleading to children.
In the face of such injuries, every parent is the best soldier. However, parents cannot be around their children all the time, so it is necessary for us to teach our children the ability to [speak out boldly what they really think and dare to SAY NO about people or things they don’t like] in our daily life.
True respect, regardless of age, regardless of generation. Only when children are respected from an early age can they learn to respect themselves and others.
Don’t want your child to become a person who has no self-esteem and doesn’t know how to respect others in the future, then please don’t let the joke [your mother doesn’t want you] happen again!