I have a daughter and I love her.
I don’t know if everything I do is what my daughter needs, but I still gradually have more confidence than before. This confidence comes from my more patient listening to my children.
Yesterday, I accompanied my child to run her scheduled target in the sun: 6 kilometers. On the way back, she cheerfully told me about the movie she had just watched. In fact, I may not have listened to it, but I nodded from time to time and asked for two sentences.
As she walked home from the playground, she chattered and I listened patiently and silently. When approaching the gate of the community, the child said, “Mom, I like being with you so much. You are always willing to listen to me.”
I regard this evaluation as one of the highest praises for children.
I really don’t have the right to talk too much about [how’s raising her own daughter]. The child is only 11 and a half years old, and we have made many mistakes. However, her growth always reminds me of myself and that my listening father was how who raised my daughter.
I have always been full of confidence in me.
Father is a very confident person, so he always has confidence in his children.
He comes from an enlightened family, pays attention to equality between men and women, and pays special attention to the education of my daughter. He takes special care of my daughter and even spoils her a little too much.
But this kind of doting is not material. In my junior year, my father took me to climb Lushan Mountain and took me to find the most difficult road in the early morning. On the road, I saw snacks could not walk, but he gave me a few fried broad beans at most, which made me wonder how many times I scolded him [stingy]. Because I didn’t eat snacks, I wolfed down and ate very delicious.
My father’s love for me was manifested in his patience and trust in me when my academic performance in college plummeted. He always seemed to believe that I could do whatever I wanted to do, and he could still see the positive side of me when I felt most unlucky.
My father saw that I was depressed when I graduated from college because of my professional problems. He said: “I think you have a good time in college. You have exercised a lot and you have found someone.”
Our family has a tradition of loving exercise. My father attaches great importance to my athletic ability. When he saw that I was either running long distances or swimming in college and was tanned, he felt quite good.
I was also a little proud of finding the object, but after my father’s affirmation, I immediately enlarged this achievement ten times.
With this confidence, I entered the first unit, of course, I will not be depressed. My father knew it was very important for me to start another stage of my life, but he only said such a word, but it was enough.
Teach me to pay attention to safety issues
When I first joined the work, I was quite relaxed. My boyfriend worked in other places. In my spare time, I began to practice Neijia Boxing.
I spend five or six hours practicing boxing every day, leaving early and returning late. My mother can’t see it anymore, saying that I don’t accompany my parents when I have time. My father doesn’t speak what dialect and won’t complain that I don’t accompany him. He is busy himself and doesn’t need me to accompany him.
My father is neither worried that I will affect my work nor that I will affect the society. In short, he just looks at it and doesn’t care.
After three years in this way, I finally got a little bored. When my mood was weak, my father opened his mouth and said, “do you really spend a little more time practicing boxing?” ] He was so tactful that I borrowed the donkey from the slope and instead gesticulated for more than half an hour every day.
Later, I planned an activity to take my boxing friends to Wudang Mountain. At that time, I thought I had a little kung fu. I trotted all the way to the golden top of Wudang Mountain and took the lead in meditating on the most prominent stone in the golden top. Boxing friends are not to be outdone. They either do golden rooster independence on this stone or do all kinds of movements of Xingyi Boxing…
When I developed the photos, I showed them to my father, who frowned. A long time later, he said, “This is nonsense!” What if there is a weathered part of that stone and your lives and those of your friends are in danger? ]
I suddenly lost my voice. Dad was right. Slowly, I began to sweat and my back was cold. Dad didn’t say much about what, but his tone, his expression and what he said were deeply in my heart.
Not long ago, a child from our neighbor ran to the top floor to play with my daughter and several small friends. The child stood on the top floor without guardrails and took photos with open arms. You know, as long as there is a slight accident, it is possible for him to fall off a tall building.
I quickly pulled the children to sit down, I told my own story of that year and told them that what was called unexpected. The children turned pale when they heard it. I quickly told the parents that the parents were frightened when they heard it. Only then did I know how insufficient the safety education for the children was. Now, we have set up a parents’ mutual aid group to often exchange children’s education issues, including safety education.
Teach me to think of others
One day after work, I parked my bicycle in the community. I just put it away. When my father came back from work and saw the bicycle, he immediately said, “How domineering you are to park so hard, blocking other people’s way!” ]
Since then, I have never let go of my bicycle like that. Now, I also teach my daughter to pull over the bicycle and stay out of other people’s way.
In fact, my father taught me this when I was a child. He took me to a relative’s house for dinner and said to me on the way: “When I was a child, when I went to other people’s house for dinner, I would not sit around. I would try my best to help others do something so that others would welcome me more.”
As a result, after I slowly went to the relatives’ house, I was embarrassed to sit down. I always either helped to serve the dishes, or helped to wash the dishes and take out the garbage, and always did something. Now, I educate my daughter in the same way. I have to work at home and have work outside.
Teach me to bear hardships
After I got married, my father asked me to move out and rent my own house.
At first, we could only rent a farmer’s house near the school. Dad didn’t think I had much pain, and I didn’t want to complain. Later, we moved to a bungalow given by our lover’s unit. The bungalow was very broken, not only leaked air, but also many mice. Dad came to visit me and didn’t say a word of sympathy for me. He thought I was doing well.
After that, we moved home six times before moving to the present house. My father did not say a word and did not let my mother ask. Few of my parents’ colleagues in the university, who are willing to let their baby daughter do this, will try every means to let their children get a small house in the university.
I am very happy every time I move, because every time I have more autonomy, the house is getting better and better.
Teach me to enjoy sports
I only learned to swim in high school. My father worked abroad for two years. My mother took my brother and I to East Lake on foot to learn swimming. The two younger brothers learned it soon after laughing. Only I was timid and never learned it.
Dad’s back, Regardless of the younger brother, He took me to East Lake alone. He threw me into the deep water. Go ahead by yourself, Swim to a stone pier nearly 20 meters away and wait for me. I was thrown into deep water. In addition to drinking water, I was fluttering. After drinking a lot of water, I was able to flutter 20 meters to my father’s side. I just wanted to have a rest, but he rushed to the water to flutter… Drinking water… In less than a week, I learned to swim, while my mother took me to two summer vacations and didn’t learn.
After learning, my father began to take me across the East Lake (he is an old hand who has crossed the Yangtze River four times). At first, looking at such a wide lake, I was scared and doubted my physical strength, but my father was by my side. What was I afraid of? Finally, I crossed hundreds of meters again and again, getting bolder and bolder.
One day, it suddenly began to rain heavily. My father and I were the only ones in the lake. My swimming skills were already good and I knew it was fun to follow the waves. As a result, we swam in the strong wind and big waves that day. As the waves went up and down, we were not afraid at all. We were extremely happy and became unforgettable memories in our life. From then on, I fell in love with swimming.
Several years later, with my help, my daughter learned to swim with a good coach early on. With my strict requirements, her physical fitness and swimming skills are quite good. We took her to Sanya, and this little guy looked like a small fish. He dived to the bottom of the water for a while and came out for a while. I don’t know how happy he was. At this moment, I would think of the scene when my father took me swimming.
My father is 75 years old now, and his lumbar intervertebral disc herniation is quite serious, but he doesn’t stop exercising because of this, and he often goes swimming in East Lake by bike. Compared with him, I am far behind.
Teach me to distinguish real beauty
When I got married, I spent my honeymoon with my lover and brought back some photos to show my father.
Although I was 25 years old at that time, I was still quite naive. When I showed my father the photo, I said, “Oh, if only I were as beautiful as Lin Qingxia.” As I said, I fiddled with the newly bought Lin Qingxia sticker. Dad opened his mouth: “I think you look better than Lin Qingxia.”
I couldn’t believe this was what my father said. He stared at him. He took out a honeymoon photo of me: I was standing in the Lijiang River with a smile. He said, “Look, this one of you is very beautiful, better than Lin Qingxia.”
Then, he said nothing more.
My father let me know that what he said was “good-looking” had little to do with facial features. This has effectively adjusted my aesthetic view. Nowadays, my daughter does not judge people’s good-looking by whether her facial features are delicate or not, and she is basically immune to cosmetic advertisements.
Never interfere with my key choices
Our three children (my two younger brothers and I) are all in free love, and their parents don’t have any snacks. However, the three sisters and brothers seem to have made an appointment. They all have children very late. They all think about the matter after they are 35 years old, one later than the other.
My father never spoke about it except that his mother would nag about it.
At the age of 35, I suddenly decided to take an MBA examination. My mother did not speak and my husband was not satisfied. Although my father did not object, he did not see support at first. For the first time, I failed the examination because of ineffective information (I chose the wrong review materials) and decided to continue the examination.
One day, my father took out a roll of paper, which was full of math problems he had done well-he bought me a set of MBA review materials from Tsinghua University and did all the math problems. This silent support gave me great encouragement. I got quite good results in the second exam. Dad looked at my report card and smiled.
However, after passing the examination, I did not insist on finishing it. My life has changed. I began to consider pregnancy and transfer from my job. I decided to give up my MBA, although I had already paid tens of thousands of tuition fees. My father only advised me once, saying whether I could consider sticking to it. I said I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t take care of my physical strength, so he didn’t say anything.
After that, he also said nothing about it. He will not complain and say: I have helped you do so many math problems, and you don’t cherish them … He is the same as me, doing it, giving up and giving up, and no longer struggling.
In fact, Dad will not interfere with the choices of his family. For example, his younger brother did not start his own business for 8 years, and he did not say what what was worried about. He is a real liberal, and his restraint is mainly applied to himself.
Teach me that kindness is more important than intelligence.
When I was young, I thought I was intelligent and often my eyes were above the top. My father looked at me and did not give me any advice.
He once discussed the problem of mathematics with me. He thought that in terms of mathematics, he knew more about it than my mother, although my mother was his classmate. This sentence was misunderstood by me as he thought my mother was not as smart as him.
When I was young, my mother and I twisted everywhere, so my heart was biased towards my father, disgusted with my mother, and often made my mother cry with anger. My mother did not think as deeply as my father on some abstract issues, but my mother’s practical ability was very strong. But I was looking at my mother all day long and was not pleasing to the eye, so I wanted to pick her thorn.
One day, I talked with my father. I talked about the way my mother handled some things in a light tone. My father said alertly, “Oh, in your opinion, my mother is very sweet, isn’t she?” In Wuhan dialect, [Tiao] means stupid. Dad didn’t say much about what, but his expression and tone all expressed his disapproval of me.
Shortly after this, he took the initiative to talk to me about his mother and her kindness. From time to time, he used [Tiao] to describe his mother in his narration, but what he said [Tiao] obviously showed love, tolerance and understanding for his mother.
Yes, my mother’s family circumstances were not as good as his, and she came from a family that valued boys over girls. Many of her natures were suppressed. Fortunately, my father was so tolerant of personality, so my mother never felt depressed around my father and was always happy. Even her [Tiao] was a by-product of this happiness.
My father did not say the great truth that kindness is more important than intelligence, but he made me realize this with his words and deeds. Since then, I have never talked about my mother disrespectfully in front of my father.
Some of Dad’s Key Advice
When I was 38 years old and wanted to have children, I was worried that natural childbirth would hurt, but in fact I really wanted to insist on natural childbirth. My father saw my mind at a glance and said: “In fact, the pain was just that at once, and the bite of my teeth passed away.” It was amazing. As soon as my father said it, I felt that there was nothing I could not insist on. Sure enough, I was a natural mother and breast-fed.
When I returned to my mother’s family with the doll, my father saw me triumphant as if I were carrying private property and said to me solemnly, “This child, she is an independent life, you must remember this.”
The child is almost full moon, I am tired and exhausted, looking at the infant child worried. My father saw my depression again, just like when I graduated from college, and held up the doll and said, “Look, what a good doll it is. It is better to have a good baby than to have a good baby.” ]
One word dispelled the dark clouds in my heart: Yes, what a nice doll, why should I worry about not being able to raise it?
Summary
From the age of 8 to 15, I didn’t live with my father every day, but I never felt that my father’s love had left me. Dad never said much, but he always said what I wanted to hear most and the reminder I needed most.
I don’t know if I can do better than my father, I’m afraid it’s not easy. I just think I have finally inherited one of my father’s outstanding advantages, that is, I can always see my own and others’ strengths, and I never forget my own and others’ strengths.
My father gave me the most vital characteristic in him: he knows how to appreciate and remember his own and others’ strengths.
This other person, including his own children.
College was the most frustrating stage of my life, But it was also the most fruitful and confident stage of Dad’s academic research. Moreover, He tolerated my rebellious youth with great patience. From this, I think, Every parent of us may need to try our best to maintain a positive and enterprising attitude. Even if we cannot achieve what results, we will also keep ourselves happy at work. In this way, we will look at all kinds of problems encountered in the growth of our children peacefully and will not blame our children for the difficulties in our work.
What I hope to pass on to my daughter most is this kind of trait-to appreciate myself and others. Only in this way can I accept myself, others and finally the world.
Editor: Yidan