Do you, like many parents, often have headaches due to the following conditions?
(1) Children cry, force, unreasonable
(2) Children Fight with Small Partners
(3) Children do not do homework or do other things according to the teacher’s requirements
Many parents may encounter such problems: The child did not behave well and ran into trouble outside. In addition to earnestly educating him that it was wrong to do so, As parents, we have to pay for the mess he has created again and again, apologize to the teacher, apologize to other children, and apologize to the parents of the children. Without face, it is useless to do so. Next time he will still get into trouble, or he will come up with a lot of things for us to deal with in an unguarded moment.
This really annoys parents. Is there any what solution to this difficult problem?
In fact, as a child, trouble must be a common occurrence. It is impossible for us to let our children not make any mistakes.
However, when children make mistakes, they do not have to let us solve the problems for them. Why not let the children learn how to solve the problems themselves?
Today, let’s have a good talk about how to improve children’s problem-solving ability.
First, encourage children to think for themselves and don’t let their brains [rust]
Protecting our children is our parents’ instinct, Sometimes children encounter challenges and difficulties, Parents instinctively want to help their children solve problems immediately. Give the child what he thinks is the best way to do it. However, this will kill the child’s ability to think for himself. The brain, like a machine, will [rust] if it does not turn for a long time, and it will not turn. In this way, even if the child grows up in the future, he will still rely on you to solve the problem for him.
What do parents do?
Next time a child makes a mistake, don’t rush to solve the problem for him. Communicate with him and listen to his good ways to solve the problem what.
When you encounter problems at ordinary times, whether it is his problem or yours, you can ask him for what’s solution to the problem.
For example, you can say: [Baby, Mom accidentally broke an aunt’s glass today. Do you know what Mom should do? ]
Second, let children learn to think from another’s perspective and understand the feelings of others.
Most of the time, when a child makes a mistake, he does not realize how his behavior will bring to others, so he does not realize that he has done something wrong. Therefore, we should let the child learn to realize that his behavior will bring what to others. The best way is to let the child try to understand the feelings of his parents first.
A Mother’s Case:
Before going out this morning, I agreed with my 7-year-old son Xiao Kai to finish my homework on time. When I came back from work, I took him to eat Pizza Hut. But when I came back from work in the afternoon, I found Xiong Haizi didn’t do any homework and only wrote one line in his diary. I was very angry and scolded him loudly. Then I let him do his homework obediently. It didn’t end until 9 o’clock in the evening, and Pizza Hut didn’t eat. Before going to bed at night, the child asked me: “Mom, do you still love me?” This surprised me and I didn’t know how to answer it.
In this case, Mom was angry, But did not tell the child why, Children don’t necessarily know why their mothers are angry. When children see their mothers angry, I did my homework obediently, but I misunderstood my mother’s anger as: [My mother didn’t love me, so she thought I couldn’t do it well], but I didn’t understand it as [My mother was angry because she saw that I didn’t keep my promise to finish my homework]. Therefore, the child will become very scared, but still don’t know what to do.
Therefore, it is one of the important ways to help children solve their behavior problems to clearly express the reasons for their anger and help children understand the emotions of the people around them.
What do parents do?
Combined with the above cases, I would like to share with you a kind of communication method oriented by parents’ emotions. The following is what my mother said to Xiao Kai that night:
(1) Today, my mother was very angry when she saw that Xiao Kai did not finish her homework as promised.
(2) Mom was angry because Kay could have done it and then happily went to eat Pizza Hut with Mom. But Mom’s plan was disrupted.
(3) Although I didn’t reach my goal today, my mother still wants to take Xiao Kai to eat Pizza Hut tomorrow. What should Xiao Kai do tomorrow?
(4) What should I do if I haven’t done it tomorrow?
(5) Thank Xiao Kai for understanding her mother’s thoughts and considering for her.
Parental emotion-oriented communication is applicable to:
When the parent-child mood is opposite. Parents do not control their emotions, while children choose to talk back, escape and rage to deal with the situation. You can have the above-mentioned dialogue with children after everyone calms down afterwards.
Third, let children pay attention to the solution of the problem instead of falling into guilt of making mistakes.
Most of the time, when children know that they are not doing well, they will feel very sad, feel guilty and easily fall into these negative emotions, but this cannot really solve the problem. Therefore, we should let children understand that making mistakes is not terrible, the key is how to find the best way to solve the problem in the process of continuous trial and error.
Another mother’s case:
Today, according to the teacher’s advice, Tingting’s one-day homework was divided into four small tasks, Each task is timed, Then the children themselves estimated that they would be able to finish it by 7 pm. The reward set up is to watch an episode of “I Love Inventions” before 7 pm. But because there was a little delay in the middle, I touched the east and the west, and then finished it a little more than 7 o’clock. The children were almost collapsed. I was very anxious and worried. I finished my homework crying. But I can see that he wants to do it well. Teacher Zuo Fei, how should I communicate with my children at night?
In this case, The mother encouraged her children with positive and positive education. Let the child want to be better and better, but it is impossible to do it perfectly at first. When confronted with their own problems, the child does not know how to improve, so they are very anxious and anxious. The first task of the mother is to appease, but more importantly, it is necessary to use this rare opportunity to let the child learn to think about how to do better next time.
What do parents do?
With the help of this case, I would like to share with you a result-oriented communication method. The following is what my mother said to my child before going to bed that night:
(1) Does Tingting really want to do her homework well at 7 o’clock and get a reward?
(2) It’s a pity today, Tingting is still a little short of being rewarded.
(3) How can Tingting be rewarded next time? It will be finished by 7 o’clock, right?
(4) How can we finish our homework faster?
Is there anything else?
6. What should we do first from tomorrow? What about the second step? …
As you can see, Perhaps many parents have done it in the first few steps, But the effect is not good. It may be that the child has not yet thought about steps 5 and 6. Obviously, Children know that they can improve their homework efficiency by being more serious and faster. However, children may not be able to think clearly about how to be more serious. We need to refine our problems and guide children patiently in every step to ensure that children really want to understand.
Results-oriented communication methods are applicable to:
Guide children to use correct and appropriate methods to achieve the desired results, instead of letting children and parents fall into the trap of emotions for a long time, discussing problems with children more peacefully and rationally, helping children from the same standpoint with children, and making children more accept the goals set by parents and themselves.
Only by letting children learn to solve problems by themselves can we rest assured that they can run freely on the road to growth.