Many mothers may have such distress: when a child cannot speak as a child, I can know through his behavior and expression that he wants what. Why does the child learn to speak and sometimes communication becomes difficult?
In fact, this is because with the development of children’s intelligence, they gradually have the ability to think independently, and there are differences in thinking between children and mothers.
To truly understand children and at the same time let them feel understood, they must be empathetic.
Is empathy good for what?
Empathy is divided into cognitive empathy and emotional empathy. Cognitive empathy means understanding other people’s intentions, while emotional empathy refers to being able to feel and share other people’s emotions and emotions.
Between the ages of zero and six, It is a stage recognized by many child psychologists. This stage is the shaping of a child’s character throughout his life. Temperament, self-cultivation and ability play a vital role, especially before the age of three. In the past three years, children and their families get along day and night. Under the condition that children’s language expression ability is not yet fully developed, they need more observation and patience from their families.
The Benefits of Empathy:
STEP 1 Help Children Solve Problems
Children under the age of three often do things that adults think are unreasonable. For example, unreasonable, nail biting, hitting people, etc. Parents should spend some time thinking about the reasons behind their children’s emotions and behaviors, so as to fundamentally help children solve problems and avoid leaving hidden dangers.
2. It is helpful for children to establish positive character.
Parents do a good job of empathy, children feel understood and can express their thoughts and thoughts in front of parents, which is conducive to cultivating children’s positive, cheerful and lively character.
Step 3: Better manage your emotions
Children of this age group often follow their parents’ example in their daily behavior. If parents can show good empathy, the children themselves can better control their emotions and will become [considerate] people in the future.
How to achieve empathy?
1. Squat down and look at the problem from the perspective of children.
Most children under the age of three cannot express their feelings in words. This requires us to stand at the same [height] with them and look at problems from the perspective of children.
When talking with a child, squat down instead of being high above the ground to close the physical distance with the child. More importantly, psychologically, they also [squat down] and think in the way children think.
Adults and children have very different ways of thinking. Even if we face the same thing, our ways of thinking and children may be completely different. Therefore, we should never understand children with adults’ thinking.
Whenever you feel that your child’s behavior cannot be understood, try to think like this: [If I were a child, what would I think? ] Make your thinking simple and direct, and perhaps you will find how different your child’s thinking is from yours.
For example, on the first day of sending children to kindergarten, many children will cry like [where will you go]. Why?
Let’s try to think from the perspective of children: Suppose I am a child sent to a completely strange place by my parents now, and my parents are about to leave me, what would I think?
[Mom and Dad won’t come back, will they not want me? [This place is completely different from home. I am so scared.] [With so many children crying, this place must be terrible.]
So, do you know how to comfort the child?
Step 2 Give the child a hug
When the child is wronged or in a bad mood, please give the child a big hug first to let him feel your love and understanding for him.
A hug, seemingly simple, can give children a great sense of security. Especially for children around the age of two, they are in a sensitive period of security and need enough love from their parents. When their psychological security is satisfied, negative emotions will slowly fade away.
3. Tell the child: [I can understand how you feel now.]
How did you comfort the child when he cried sadly because he didn’t get the little red flower in kindergarten this week?
I believe many mothers will gently say to their children: [Baby, it’s okay, this time there will be another time. I won’t cry. Can Mom buy you delicious food? ]
Such similar words can indeed have the effect of comforting children. But if you want your child to really get out of the sadness of this matter, perhaps you should say this:
[Baby, I can especially understand your sadness now. You worked so hard, but didn’t get the little red flower, the in the mind must be very sad. Because if it were me, I would be as sad as you. But it doesn’t matter, there is a mother with you. When you are sad, mother will always accompany you.]
Perhaps to say so will not make the child [rain turns sunny] at once, but it will make the child’s heart less uncomfortable.
4. Listen carefully to the child’s explanation
Three-year-old Pipi once went to the place where her mother was on night shift to see her mother. Pipi’s mother went out to play water and saw Pipi sticking a wall sticker. Pipi’s mother flew into a rage and blamed Pipi for not understanding.
Later, when Pipi’s mother was cleaning, she found a mosquito that had been killed before under each sticker. Pipi said that those were all bad mosquitoes that my mother bit when she was on night shift. I would stick them to prevent them from biting my mother.
I believe mothers will have this kind of experience. Never use the eyes of adults to speculate on children’s thoughts, nor do you easily draw conclusions about any behavior of children. An effective method is to listen.
When listening, remember to look at the child with gentle expression, and nod or respond with [eh, eh.] from time to time. At the same time, after the child has finished a passage, he should summarize it again for the child.
But always remember not to judge children when listening.
When a child tells you the most true thoughts in his heart, what he wants is your understanding and acceptance, not a simple [good] or [bad] evaluation.
How to Improve the Ability of Empathy
1. Reflect more: Find out the source of emotions,
There has always been a mother who is depressed. Why can’t I communicate well with my children after reading so many parenting books?
It may not be possible to really understand empathy just by reading the book according to the method in the parenting book.
To achieve empathy, one must understand children’s emotions: how do emotions come into being and what kind of feelings will they bring to people?
The best way to truly understand [emotions] is to start from oneself.
When we have bad emotions ourselves, we have to try to think: [How do I feel now when I have this emotion…], [The source of this emotion is what, which means what to me? ]
For example, Through introspection, you may have such a thinking process: [I feel angry now, I feel like there is a fire in my chest, I really want to shout it out, and my breathing speed seems to be getting faster. The reason why I am angry is that my son soiled the floor I just dragged. And I am angry about this, which means that I will drag it over and over again……]
At ordinary times, more such exercises will help us to improve our self-saving efforts. When we have a deeper understanding of our various emotions, we will also be able to better understand children’s emotions.
2. Don’t Label Children-Don’t Judge
Two and a half years old Niu Niu saw the children playing with sand. He wanted to play together, so he ran over to say hello and slapped the children on the head.
The child cried loudly and his mother quit. Why is the child so bad? I won’t play with you anymore.
Niu Niu is puzzling. I just want to say hello. Selfish? Bad? Is this really about me?
Don’t think you know your child very well, just label your child casually.
American psychologist Becker said: [Once people are labeled with a certain label, they will become the people marked by the label.] Imagine if someone comments on you, you will feel what.
Labels will affect children like spells. If you label children, you will virtually give them psychological hints. Slowly, children will really develop in that direction.
Labeled children, over time, you will also take colored glasses to see children, so there is no way to achieve empathy.
After reading this article, parents must have learned a new skill of child-rearing. Are your corners of the mouth slightly rising at the moment?
In addition to worrying about children’s food, clothing, housing and transportation every day, you have to learn various ways to raise children. You have worked hard.
You are all the best parents.
Ding Ma will always accompany you and face all the frustrations on the road to child-rearing with you.