There is no power in the world that can completely erase death and the accompanying sadness from life. We have to learn to accept loss.
In the movie “Guanyinshan”, Chang Yueqin, played by Zhang Aijia, fell into great grief after his son died in a car accident. He stayed in the dark garage all day long, guarding the dilapidated car his son was driving in the car accident, Lacrimosa, and even cutting his wrists to commit suicide.
Her pain is the sad reaction of people after losing their closest relatives.
Everyone’s performance may be different. I once met a patient. After her lover died, she could not cry, as if everything were in a dream.
One afternoon, when the sun was just right, she was in a hurry to call her lover to wash the mat and take it out to bask in it. The echo in the room made her suddenly realize that there was no one left. From that day on, as long as she was free, the middle-aged lady could not help crying and ran away from the nanny. She fell into the feeling of being abandoned by the world.
Because she cried all day long, her eyesight began to decline and her eyes became vague. She went to the hospital to see her crying eyes. The doctor advised her to go to the psychological counseling department.
Insurmountable pain?
The pain of bereavement can be regarded as a normal manifestation of one’s family. After suddenly losing one’s lover, relative, pet or even huge property, one will inevitably feel sad. This kind of sadness is a natural response to major events in one’s life that may affect one’s basic psychological needs.
At first, it is not real and makes people feel numb. Next, mixed feelings of uneasiness, anger, nostalgia and remorse swept through, and the huge sense of helplessness would devour people and make them sad enough to bear.
With the support of relatives and friends and self-adjustment, many people who have experienced bereavement can finally come out of their grief, accept [loss] and start a new life.
Therefore, those seemingly insurmountable pains are only temporary.
But sometimes, what doesn’t do it and wants it to stop automatically, which is almost impossible and may require some professional help.
The pain of bereavement once needed to be identified with [depression]. In the latest diagnostic criteria, this reaction has been unified with the diagnosis of [depression] and is considered to require medicine, psychological treatment or counseling.
You can get out of the haze
The following suggestions may be helpful to get out of the haze:
1. Talk to the right person
Listeners, as well as trained counselors and doctors, can provide timely feedback on how you feel and appease uneasiness and loneliness. Enthusiastic neighbors may not be a good person to talk to, and their advice [don’t feel sad] is often not effective.
2. Make life regular
Major changes in your life will definitely upset your normal pace of life. Arrange some plans to make yourself work, rest and live regularly. Some achievements that you have achieved in a gradual and step-by-step effort, such as completing a jigsaw puzzle, can be inspiring.
3. Make [Nostalgia] a New Beginning
Whether or not to put away all the old things you see and think about people varies from person to person. What is important is to encourage yourself to step out of the past and make it a part of the past. Think more about good memories and tell yourself that the thick and colorful mark of your lover’s death is only a dot of ink, not the whole meaning of your lover to yourself.
4. Accept change
Dependence and attachment that have no place to repose make the feeling of [loss] so clear that one feels that one cannot live next. Taking care of plants or small animals may calm one’s mood. Remember to tell yourself that physical symptoms such as insomnia, poor appetite and blurred vision, like extreme depression, are temporary and will pass slowly.
Step 5 Ask for help from the outside world
Don’t be ashamed to ask others [can you accompany me], or ask doctors, consultants and other professionals for help. By taking antidepressants and receiving psychological counseling services, you can get through this low tide of life more smoothly.
If your friend is experiencing bereavement
1. Listen to them and refrain from commenting.
What they need more at this time, It is a kind of silent support, It is a feeling of being understood. Listen to them, and from time to time use the question of [how do you feel about being how] [what are you going to do] to guide them on, let them express their feelings, think about how coming out, and refrain from making any comments such as [why are you so negative/useless] [you think so is wrong/absolutely right].
2. Don’t be stingy with your company.
When you receive a request for company, please try your best to agree. You don’t need to be a special what. Your presence is a great comfort. If you can’t do it, don’t refuse absolutely. Please tell them why you can’t go, give some alternative suggestions, and help them contact others if necessary.
3. Don’t shy away from relevant topics
Deliberately avoiding topics such as [death] [happiness] [sweetness] [happiness] and so on, which some people think may make people more sad, may have the opposite effect. Naturally, don’t be taboo when chatting or ask the other person about it. But if they are willing to talk, just listen and don’t stop them from talking.
4. Give some helpful little gifts.
Good plants and small animals that can be caressed can bring warm hearts and divert their attention appropriately. Jigsaw puzzles and fitness cards can help them to live a regular life. Small gifts may help them adjust their state. If they see things and think about people because of gifts, don’t be afraid, stay and listen to their stories.
5. Don’t make a fuss about their changes.
Some positive friends are good at encouraging others, but I’m afraid it’s not very useful at this time. It may scare off relatives and friends from trying to change. Watch silently, and when they face life again, it’s not too late to express their opinions.