Earlier we talked about the manifestations of dating violence. Why is it so difficult to get out of such a [sadistic] relationship (you can click to view it separately)? Now let’s talk about how to get out.
To get out of an unhealthy love relationship, we first need to understand what a healthy love relationship is like.
What is a healthy relationship?
A healthy relationship does not have a unified appearance, but it must be made up of these key factors.
Step 1 Respect each other
On the one hand, healthy relationships are based on mutual respect for each other.
Mutual respect can be reflected, but is not limited to:
- Personal privacy; Personal economic control; Personal freedom.
Remember, in a healthy relationship, your relationship does not restrict you from meeting your friends alone, even if you are a heterosexual (for heterosexual) friend.
You can participate in your hobby activities without sharing your email, mobile phone and social network account passwords to your lover.
At the same time, you can respect each other’s preferences and needs. In a healthy love relationship, lovers will support each other and share their needs so that each other can understand your encouragement and support for him, instead of belittling or mocking him.
2. Good communication
On the other hand, in a healthy love relationship, lovers can better communicate and resolve conflicts between them.
Most of the time, we often mistakenly think that [love without quarrel] is [healthy]. However, in fact, quarrel itself does not mean that it will destroy the relationship, but what kind of attitude to discuss the conflicts and different opinions between each other is the core of the relationship.
Perhaps in the family where you grew up, parents often quarreled and even communicated different opinions and ideas by fighting, threatening and belittling each other. You may think that this is the [effective way of communication between couples] you have seen.
However, there are many ways of communication, but persuading each other by belittling each other, threatening and physically violence is obviously not a kind of communication that respects each other.
In the face of conflicts and healthy relationships, we try to coordinate each other’s needs in a more reasonable and equal way, instead of suppressing each other with [power].
People around us suffer from dating violence. What should we do?
If your friends or family are in a sadistic relationship, please don’t judge them and don’t label them.
Remember, listening and supporting can help them gradually regain their trust in themselves and let them know that they are not alone.
At the same time, when you learn that violence has occurred in a relationship, don’t judge with the eyes of [onlookers] and try to ask your friends to leave.
Sometimes, just like the complicated and contradictory psychology we discussed before, it is difficult for your friend to leave the abusive relationship immediately. Please respect your friend’s choices and feelings.
What you can do is to encourage them to understand that what is a healthy relationship and what is love violence, to help them distinguish love and violence in love relationships, and to provide some popular science resources and helplines.
For example, you can try to contact:
- Anti-Domestic Violence Women’s Rights Hotline 12338; Hongfeng Women’s Psychological Counseling Service Center Hotline: 010-68333388.
If [sadomasochism] happens to you, what should you do?
As a party in sadomasochism and abuse in love, please remember [this is not your fault alone], you have other choices besides maintaining this love relationship.
Remember, true love is respect and care for each other.
You can try the following ways to leave this [love and kill] relationship.
1. Re-trust your intuition
Each of us has [intuition]. In love violence, we may lose trust in our intuition and need to re-establish our sense of confirmation of our feelings.
STEP 2 Believe in Yourself
The problems in a relationship must not be your fault alone. Getting along with a controlling lover and pleasing the other party will sometimes only make the situation worse. Please try to establish a clear interpersonal boundary with the lover according to your specific situation and safeguard your own interests.
3. Seek [reinforcements]
Break the isolated deadlock and try to find someone and friends to talk to.
Tell your trusted friends or family about your situation. You can be your trusted friends or family, or you can find reliable psychological consultants or volunteers from the rights hotline to seek their help.
4. Persist in your decision in a planned and decisive way.
When you decide to leave your abusive lover, please stick to your decision and make specific plans on how to keep a distance from your predecessor, such as completely disconnecting communication, including social network circle of friends, etc.
5. Leaving TA does not mean you fail.
We try to rationalize our behavior to adjust that we feel that we have done something particularly shameful and stupid, otherwise we will [cognitive dissonance] and feel uncomfortable.
We need to pay attention to our [cognitive dissonance].
In a period of sadomasochism, there is bound to be one side that makes you nostalgic. But remember, this is also one of the reasons why it is difficult for you to break up.
Observe and realize such thoughts: [If I break up with him, it is like admitting that I am a fool and have been in love with him for so long? ! ]
6. Be prepared before running away
If you are in a cohabiting abusive relationship, you can plan a comprehensive escape route and plan with the help of friends, family and anti-domestic violence agencies.
7. Seek financial support
If your economy is under control in an abusive relationship, please don’t be afraid.
You can turn to the police and professional organizations for help, or seek financial support from your family and friends under the principle of not being discovered by your lover, and strive to regain your economic independence, return to work and control your economic voice.
8. Receive the necessary professional advice
Sometimes, when you realize that your love relationship is very sadistic, it is already after you broke up, and you may still have the shadow brought by the previous relationship in your heart, please find a suitable psychological consultant, seek professional psychological help, and get out of the emotional trauma.