Why do some people still find it difficult to leave after suffering [abuse] in love?

In the last article, we listed some abusive behaviors in unhealthy love relationships, and many people can’t wait to ask: I also know that something is wrong with our love relationship, but we just can’t get rid of it. What should I do? “

In fact, you should know that you are not alone in feeling this way.

Many people, when they are in an unhealthy love relationship, will have complicated and contradictory psychology, which is difficult to separate from the party who abuses them, which is very common.

So, why is it so difficult to get out of an unhealthy relationship?

The idea of [leaving] is contradictory and painful.

In a relationship, we may have experienced each other’s meticulous kindness, seen the indifference behind sugar-coated cannonballs, even tasted the physical pain like punching and kicking, and suffered in economic and personal control.

You also want to leave him/her very much, but you don’t know why, you go back to your lover many times.

You may have experienced the following ambivalence:

  1. Fear: When you choose to leave, you may be very afraid that the other person will threaten your family, your pet and even your personal safety. Many times, such threats are real. This makes you very scared.

  2. Think abuse is normal: you may come from an unhappy family, and your parents often fall in love and kill each other in a very abusive and violent way, so you mistakenly think that your love is also full of love and hate, punching and kicking, and emotional control.

  3. Fear of coming out: Most of the time, abuse in homosexuals may be more hidden than in heterosexuals, because lovers threaten to maintain your relationship by revealing your sexual orientation. This is especially terrible for many people who are still exploring their sexual orientation, and they are afraid of rejection from their families and evaluation from others.

  4. Embarrassment: I believe many people will find it difficult to say that [they were abused]. Because the abusive relationship has made them think it is their fault to fall in love with a lover who will abuse people. Therefore, they are very afraid that their family and friends will judge them and get comments such as [how can you fall in love with such scum].

  5. Low self-esteem: Sometimes you may experience low self-esteem before you get involved in an unhealthy relationship, and sometimes, in such a poisonous relationship, you destroy your confidence and convince you that [everything is my own fault]!

  6. Love: When we are deeply in love, We think that our abusive partner will change because of us. Even the other party will make us feel that breaking up means that [we are not worthy of love, we are the loser who is not loved], that this is the only love we can get, and that is one of the reasons that bind a person to a bad relationship.

External pressure makes it impossible to leave easily.

This part of the pressure may come from your relatives and friends, even your parents.

Most of the time, if your lover’s abuse and violence are very hidden, your family will find it difficult to believe your feelings. This will make people feel more troubled, helpless and even suspect that it is their own fault.

At the same time, the stereotype of gender roles of men and women under traditional culture may also bring pressure, making people who suffer violence bear more silently.

1. Mistrust of authority

I believe some people may have experienced domestic violence and turned to the police for help.

But even if they called the police, the police only advised them and sent them off in a state of “it is difficult for honest officials to break up household affairs”.

When you are still in love, even the police will think that this is a “trivial matter”.

When China’s first anti-domestic violence law was submitted, whether cohabiting couples were protected was also controversial. Fortunately, on March 1, 2016, the first anti-domestic violence law implemented in China clearly stated that cohabiting couples were indeed protected by law and could even apply for a personal safety restriction order.

This is already a great progress!

2. Economic independence

You may live in the same room with your lover, and he also pays your credit card bill, and you may leave [annoying job] under his influence, so that there is not enough money to support you to leave him.

3. Lack of social support

You want to leave him/her very much. You may be in a foreign country. You have no friends or family or relatives to take refuge in, so you have to barely make ends meet.

4. Physical disability

If your physical condition depends on the care of your abusive lover, you may feel that he may even threaten your life.

This dependence has deepened so much that it is difficult for you to leave this sadistic love.

So, if you or your friends are deeply involved in this relationship, how can you try to get out? Click here to learn now.