The more you yell, the more disobedient you are. Four moves [mental skills] will take care of Xiong Wa.

If you let your children vote: in your eyes, what’s mother was the worst?

I believe 99% of the children will say: lose their temper.

The yelling mother is like a crazy woman with out-of-control emotions, jumping up and down with ferocious faces. Every time she makes a fire, she begins to regret it: she can’t do this again next time…

However, yelling is of no use to children, they are still disobedient, and mothers are still unable to control themselves…

Dr. Clove invited his good friend, Mr. Qin Nan, to learn these four tricks quickly [don’t shout or shout to get rid of the secret of Xiong Wa’s heart method].

Introduction to Mental Skill: Don’t Accusate, Say Truth

Bao’s parents can recall whether the following words are very familiar:

How many times have you said it, why don’t you remember to close the door?

Look at you, you spilled the milk again…

What time is it, why are you still watching TV?

Although we didn’t shout, we sometimes accused the child like this. Most of the children pretended not to hear or shirked their responsibilities. Then the more he didn’t listen to us, the more he said…

No matter adults or children, the first reaction to the accusation is to escape and explain. Then both sides fall into [you are you! -Not me, not me! ], and the fact is that no one cares for how.

In fact, in the communication with children, words like [you], [how], [always] and exaggerated elements are removed, and only the objective facts you see are stated in a peaceful tone.

The door seems to be still open.

The milk spilled.

It’s eleven o’clock now, and TV has been “tired” for 5 or 6 hours.

When we communicate with our children, the important thing is not to [investigate the responsibility], but to lay particular stress on [how to solve].

When children focus on the problem itself instead of judging right and wrong, their resistance will be much less and [obedience] will follow.

Dr. Clove knocked on the blackboard:

1. Don’t [instigate] the child in disguise, which will only make the child more disgusted.

2. At first, practice more deliberately and try continuously, and the effect will become more and more obvious.

Advanced Mental Skill: Don’t Complain, Say Method

After mastering the skill of “not accusing and telling the truth”, you will obviously feel that:

Wow! The child has really become obedient ~ ~ the years are just around the corner.

But before a few good days came, new problems came again. The children’s toys were thrown all over the table and confiscated when the meal was served. Many precious mothers could not help it:

Why are you so blind when you have to eat and spread out toys on a table? I don’t believe you can clean the table.

However, this will not make the baby [have eyesight], but may arouse the baby’s rebellious mood. If the mother cannot control the power of the universe in her body at this moment…

Oh, don’t get angry in a hurry yet. Join Dr. Clove and see what we just said.

Why are you so blind (labeling children) when you have to eat and spread out toys on a table? I don’t believe you can clean the table (negatively deny it).

Although we don’t have much anger in our tone, this type of complaint will make children feel that they are labeled [you are XXX].

Labeled words are terrible. They are doubts about the child’s ability. They are also easy to escalate the contradiction between you and the child and fall into the confrontation of “you can’t-I can” or the negative cognition of “you say I am, I am”, making the child feel [not trusted].

So, try another way?

Dinner is about to start, if the baby can tidy up the table, it will be a great help!

Look, we replace [I don’t believe it] with [if you can] and pass on [it really helps] encouragement and praise. The children will feel that [my mother believes I have the ability to do well], and at this time, they will probably be happy to finish it.

Dr. Clove knocked on the blackboard:

1. Provide children with specific and easy-to-operate methods. Positive evaluation results are more important than what.

2. Children’s sensible and obedient characteristics are not born, but are cultivated from the most sincere questions and answers with their parents.

Alternative Mental Skill: Don’t Speak, Pass Notes

The above two [mental skills] are applicable to most parents, but some parents say:

Sometimes the child doesn’t give me a chance to say, what can I do?

Dr. Clove really has a good way: pass the note.

For example, the child is having a good time and doesn’t listen to his parents say what at all. What if he wants to remind him to put away his toys?

At this time, we can fold a small plane and write on it [when the toys are finished with you, remember to let them go home and love your father/mother] and fly to the children.

Oh, is this way warm and interesting? The child will think that what you give him is not an instruction, but a [surprise].

This method is also applicable to introverted children. It can softly protect children and their emotions and make some fearless quarrels disappear.

Dr. Clove knocked on the blackboard:

1. This method is aimed at situations where the speaking effect is not obvious, but the effect is not good when used frequently.

2. Pay attention to the words on the note, try to be interesting and don’t give orders.

Ultimate Mental Method: Don’t [Reason], Say Feelings

The older the children, the bigger the idea. Sometimes we [reason] with them, and as a result, they speak better than us.

Whether we can pay attention to the children’s [feelings] is the key to change!

Baby, do you feel that clothes are especially uncomfortable and unhappy for others?

We use [yes] to ask, then the child can only answer between [yes] [no], the conversation will soon reach an impasse, there will be a feeling of-completely unable to talk.

If you change to the following statement, the baby will be more likely to accept it:

Baby, it must make people feel very sad that the clothes that have been with you for so long have been sent away, so I can see that you are very angry now.

This time, we first said the truth (being sent away) to make him realize that his parents paid attention to his feelings. Secondly, we recognized the authenticity of the feelings (feeling sad), and finally, we respected the children’s feelings (very angry).

The focus of paying attention to feelings is to be able to recognize, accept and respect children’s feelings in the first place.

In doing so, on the one hand, it can calm down emotions and open up the possibility of dialogue. On the other hand, it will also promote children’s understanding of emotions, which is an improvement in [emotional intelligence] and interpersonal relationship handling.

Dr. Clove knocked on the blackboard:

1. Please pay attention to your feelings before trying to reason, so that reason can really work.

2. Even if you think your attention is clumsy, it is [super cute] in children’s psychology.

Have you learned all the above four mental skills? If you are not sure, you can also practice in front of the mirror or in front of Eva’s father. Remember not to be too ferocious on your face, and then try it on Eva quickly ~

If you don’t shout or shout, you will be surprised to find that this naughty bear baby can also be our most obedient and lovely little baby ~