In life, people often complain about the conflicts caused by the old man helping to bring her baby. I have such a friend around me, and she has complained to me more than once, but then she suddenly stopped complaining.
When I asked her if she had done it, she only said: “My mother-in-law found a job and went out to work. My mother’s hands are too stupid. I said two words to her, and she won’t make trouble either.”
Well, then everyone should be happy, right?
But she said: [I actually regret it…]
Let’s look at her story.
Old people always help?
When this friend was pregnant, he watched the Sears parenting series several times, which was also considered half a parenting pass.
My friend’s temper is also quite honest and frank. Before she gave birth, she saw her mother-in-law cutting clothes to make diapers and preparing the pot for cooking soup in her confinement. She immediately stopped it and told them the real [scientific method].
However, it doesn’t work to talk about it either. One sentence can push her back: that’s how you were raised in those days!
After giving birth to the baby, her mother-in-law began to help with the baby at home, and the friction between the two generations over the baby began…
He said that milk powder cannot be washed with boiling water and always forgets.
He said that he did not need to feed water before he was half a year old. He had to explain a large amount of water every time to ensure that he would feed it secretly next time.
It is said that there is no need to eat salt, and it is necessary to habitually put a little bit of it when making supplementary foods.
She came to me to complain, [This is not a help, the whole help! ]
After hearing this, I went back directly: [Do you seem to think it is natural for the old man to take the baby? ]
How to solve the contradiction with the elderly?
The starting point of the old man is the same as that of us mothers, all for the good of our children.
Some of our high standards and strict requirements are more appropriate for ourselves.
In the process of the older generation taking part in the baby-taking, don’t [set rules in everything] [blame if you don’t agree with a word]. Take it easy, one child is raised according to a book, and the second child is raised according to a book… Well, many scientific parenting guidelines are not necessarily a matter of principle.
As for some bottom lines, they can be skillfully accepted slowly.
Simply put, it is difficult for the elderly with low educational level to accept new ideas. Try [scaring], and it is easy to achieve the goal. For example, don’t spread too many things on the crib, don’t feed honey until one year old, don’t wear a hoodie without tethers… Otherwise, your grandchildren may be in danger of life!
There are also some agreements that the old people are difficult to abide by. It is more effective to borrow people trusted by the old people to speak out. For example, milk powder cannot be too strong, and salt cannot be added to supplementary foods. What experts on TV said is much stronger than what our younger generation earnestly said.
The older generation can take part in more [raising] things. We should spend more energy on [raising] ourselves.
There are also some trivial matters that do not matter. If you can do them yourself, try not to let the old people do them, thus avoiding a lot of troubles.
The old man took the baby, and the credit was in the subtle place.
A few months ago, a friend’s little baby had a fever. Her mother-in-law secretly fed her granddaughter traditional Chinese medicine oral liquid, which she found out. As soon as she was excited, she said such angry words as “No one forced you to make trouble here, so I really can’t help you going out to find a job and giving back your wages”.
As a result, on the third day, her mother-in-law really found a job and moved home…
Guilt turned to guilt. At that time, she was really happy: it was much easier to bring her after that.
But the mother-in-law moved out before her mother-in-law moved out. That night, the couple were abandoned.
Only then did she suddenly realize that many things were taken care of by the elderly, who had never taken care of them.
That night, the baby refused to sleep at first, listening to stories, listening to nursery rhymes, saying that his son was singing wrong, and asking where his grandmother had gone. He must ask her… … …
The day tossed and turned into midnight, and when the alarm rang the next day, it was too late to make breakfast. At this time of day, the old man came back early to buy vegetables, prepare the rice, serve it on the table, and then go to dress the baby.
Very not easy to wait on the child to put on his clothes and go to the kindergarten. Before going out, he looked in the mirror, but the child was determined not to go out: no, his hair was not combed!
Ancestors… Your hair sleeps in a chicken coop, and it’s useless to comb it…
[Why are you so stupid… Grandma uses hot towels…]
On the first morning when they brought their baby, they were muddled through, but from now on…
The refrigerator will not fill itself, the food will not be prepared by itself, dirty clothes will not jump into the washing machine by themselves, garbage will not jump into the garbage can by themselves, toys will not jump into the tidying box by themselves…
Thank the old man and understand each other.
On one occasion, a friend’s baby had a fever. The two of them panicked on their hands and feet and neglected [scientific parenting]. They were bent on [warming their hands first], wrapped in cotton-padded jackets and blankets, and rushed to the hospital.
The pediatrician frowned and asked them, “Why are there so many bags?” Children will have problems with boredom! ]
Very not easy to finish, the couple called their mother-in-law at night, wanted to apologize, but as a result, they said [the baby has a fever], choked up and couldn’t say any more… the mother-in-law hurried back that night and saw that her granddaughter was all right, so she was relieved.
You may think that your mother-in-law has come back to take care of the children? No, it didn’t.
My mother-in-law found a part-time job and her life was very full. My friends were also embarrassed to ask her mother-in-law to give up her life.
However, every once in a while, her mother-in-law would go to their home to see her granddaughter and help them with some housework. She also often called to remind them that it was time to replenish the refrigerator…
She didn’t know it before, but now she realized that what she thought was [insignificant] was really the main part of life, and what she cared about and valued was only the confidence of [the fearless of the ignorant] before it was verified and polished.
There is a passage circulating on the Internet like this:
Say it is the master, say it doesn’t count; Say it’s a guest, you have to do anything. Let’s say it’s a servant. I don’t get paid.
There are also people who [watch the scene of bustle is not too big] and organize everyone to complain [the old man takes the baby].
However, nowadays, there are many grandmothers and grandmothers who have knowledge, ability and are willing to learn parenting knowledge, as well as many parents who get along well with the elderly in their families.
It is not their duty for the old people to help take care of the baby. Instead of complaining, it is better to think about how to improve first.
The easiest person to change is ourselves.