What should I do when my child is upset? (2)

There were two points in front (what should I do when the child is in a mood? (Part I)), let’s continue to talk.

3. Timely Control of Children

We need to give children room to control and adjust their emotions, so that children can get exercise and study, and also let children get a sense of autonomy.

However, when children lose control of their emotions and lose control of themselves, adults need to help control them immediately. This is the protection of children:

    On the one hand, children should not be allowed to do stupid things to hurt themselves, such as not being able to harm themselves, or throwing cups to cause fragments to hurt themselves; On the other hand, don’t let the child hurt others, so that they have to bear the responsibility of behavior and their inner guilt afterwards.

It is best for powerful parents to hold their children’s legs with their own legs and hold their children’s hands in a way of encircling them. Tight enough for the children to break free and not to hurt the children. Special attention should be paid not to let the children seriously hurt the parents, which is also to prevent the parents from being angered and causing uncontrollable retaliatory actions in an instant.

At this time, the child will definitely not be happy and will definitely make a lot of noise. Just use the second principle (please look at the child’s emotional situation. (Part I)) Respond to the child’s emotions at this moment and tell him the rules at this time:

I know you are very angry that I can’t move now. But in fact I am under your control. The stronger you are, the stronger I will be. The smaller your strength is, the smaller my strength will be. You see, you have found that when you are strong, my strength will become stronger. You can try to see if my strength will become smaller when you are weak. If you can keep your strength for one minute without exertion, I will automatically release myself.

Here, I would like to emphasize the need to use this trick when I go to what and the matters needing attention in using this trick:

    Usually only when the child’s mood is seriously out of control, Or when venting their emotions in unsafe ways. Parents should pay attention to protect themselves, Avoid being hurt by children. Even in the face of their own children, People who are injured may also have the instinctive act of using counterattack and revenge to protect themselves. At first, the children will definitely make more noise. But don’t worry, Because people who lose control are actually afraid that they will lose control, and their hearts will hope that someone will help them regain control. Use their own behavior to send a message to children: “I am very powerful, I can protect you, I am very gentle, I will not retaliate against you”.

4. Intimate relationships are the basis of emotional regulation.

For adults, sometimes even if the emotion is very intense, they feel much more at ease immediately when they see or hear the person they are closest to. This is especially true for children, where the main caretaker as the attachment object will play a strong role in regulating children’s emotions.

Just like < < Where’s Dad Going > >, many dads usually don’t take their children with them. In the first episode, when the children cry, it doesn’t work for the dads to coax them. However, after getting along with each other for a long time, the dads can calm the children down with a few simple words.

On the other hand, children will be more intimate and trust with people who can help them regulate and appease their emotions.

5. Accept children’s emotions and standardize their behaviors.

Emotions are very personal, and they are the masters of emotions. The more people are judged, criticized and suppressed, the more impulsive they are to find various ways to express them. However, behaviors are relatively socialized and will affect themselves and others.

When a child is angry and wants to hit a person, the angry mood should be accepted, as stated in the second principle. However, the behavior of hitting a person needs to be regulated, because this is not a safe emotional expression and coping style. Safety here means that it may not be safe for others, but also for the child himself.

For example, the child will feel guilty afterwards, which may cause retaliation from the other party and disgust from others. These consequences are harmful to the physical and mental safety of the child.

6. Give children the right to be emotional properly.

Emotions need space for release expression. Annoying emotions may not be useful for solving problems, but it is helpful for the development of children’s own emotional regulation ability.

In this process, as long as parents ensure that their children do not do anything that harms their physical and mental health and that of others, and are not in an environment that may be seen by others and thus harm their dignity, children can vent their emotions in their own way.

If parental conditions permit at this time, It is best to be able to accompany the children. Stay together in a more comfortable and closed place. In a room without interference. Parents are neither kidnapped by their children’s emotional feelings, Don’t stop the child to make emotions, just calm and gentle with the child. Slowly the child will know that making emotions is useless, but still can have parents to accompany. Such as the child crying tired, stopped, parents conveniently get a hot towel to wash face, change clothes, touch the back, a little more hubbub, you can gently talk with the child, reasonable.

7. Soothe children with body movements

The younger the child, the more physical comfort can play a role in emotional regulation. Just like a baby crying, it is very effective to hold it and pat it.

Children’s language function is underdeveloped, When the mood is high, there is no language understanding ability, but the body feeling channel is still very sensitive. Parents can pick up their children, comfort them at will on their backs and arms, and then help them wipe their faces and feed them water. They can make their children feel taken care of and cared for. Soon their bodies will soften and become very good.

8. Non-verbal information is more important than verbal information.

I mentioned earlier how to respond to children’s feelings with language, but the key to the effectiveness of these languages lies in the correct tone and intonation.

There is no way to demonstrate here, but the principle is that the way of saying it should be consistent with what it says. This requires parents not only to know their children’s feelings in what now, but also to be able to feel their children’s feelings at this moment now, and what they say will fit their children’s feelings.

Language comprehension depends on the cognitive function of the left brain, which is limited when emotions are high. However, the body’s sensation, pronunciation, speed and intonation are processed by the right brain, which also controls emotions, so non-verbal information is more easily received by children.

What effective measures do you have to deal with crying children? You are welcome to leave a message to Dr. Clove.

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