Researchers in Canada have done such an experiment:
They asked dozens of children aged 2 to 4 to play games and asked them not to peek at the toys in the room. When the researchers left the room, almost all the children peeked, but when the researchers asked them if they had looked, most of the children lied. Moreover, the older the children, the higher the proportion of lying.
The researchers said that many children begin to lie at the age of two, but this is not a bad thing. Because the researchers also found that lying is highly positively correlated with strong logical, language and executive abilities. Even if age is not taken into account, children with stronger cognitive abilities are prone to lie.
In short, it is the child who lies, not because he is dishonest, but because his brain is highly developed. A child’s lying is a sign of intelligence.
Lying is actually a child’s instinct.
From the moment the baby is born, there is an instinct-to please the authoritative person in front of him.
About one year old, he can’t realize the consequences of his behavior. After two years old, the child can connect [food everywhere] with [mother is not happy]. In order to avoid being trained, he will say [I didn’t do this]. This actually indicates that the child’s brain is further mature and can cover up his behavior with words.
Lying may just be that children cannot distinguish between reality and imagination.
If the child tells you that he saw an elf in the grass, his parents will usually cooperate with the child to imagine, instead of thinking that the child is dishonest and lying, right?
Yes, sometimes children are just exaggerating their imagination, knowing that children under the age of 6 seldom can distinguish the difference between fantasy and reality.
In fact, when a child lies before the age of 4, he or she may often just tell the stories he or she has heard and seen through imagination, with obvious traces of fantasy.
Lie, or you may have misunderstood the child.
Once my daughter ate potato chips.
Me: Let’s take 5 tablets!
But when I looked back, most of the potato chips were gone. Obviously, she had eaten more than 5 chips.
Me: How many tablets did you take?
She: This is the fifth piece.
I knew she lied, but I asked, “Is the piece you said so big or so big?” I took out a whole piece and a half piece.
She pointed to the whole and said, “This is one piece!” The half-slice does not count.] Now I understand, because the half-slice does not count, so I ate a lot! However, the whole tablet may have only taken 5 tablets. This can only be attributed to my failure to define it in advance.
If there is such a lie, parents don’t have to make a mountain out of a molehill, just explain it to their children later. Because this kind of behavior has nothing to do with [honesty].
What if the child really makes mistakes and lies?
What would you do if the child secretly took the toy home from other children’s homes and when you found it, he told you that the toy came running with its own long feet?
I think I can say this to the child:
I really didn’t see it running with long feet. If you took it, we will return it together and explain it to your friend. You really like this toy, but you are afraid that he won’t play with you, so you quietly took it back, hoping he can forgive you.
Next time you encounter such a thing, I hope you must tell others and obtain permission before you can take it away. If you are afraid of my anger, you will say it came running with long feet. I just want to tell you that mom (dad) hopes you will not do this again.
Parents may worry that their children will [steal] at an early age. If they don’t teach now, they will be able to repay it later?
In fact, the children did not know that what was stealing at this time. From the beginning of the baby’s self-awareness until the age of 4, it was an individual [self-centered] period, and they took it for granted that everything was their own. What we should do is to help the children distinguish what from what.
Scold is not the best way to educate
Children lie, parents will certainly feel sad, but righteous criticism and reprimand may not only be useless, but will destroy the trust and communication between children and you.
Please restrain your emotions when your parents encounter anything that makes you angry, and understand the causes and consequences before getting angry (don’t get too angry). Find out the cause of the matter first, instead of sentencing the child to death.
The reason why children lie is that we are sometimes too harsh on them. They are afraid, so they can only use lies to seek escape.
If they lie for the first time, we will face them with a relaxed mood, understand them with gentle language and guide them with a firm attitude. Even if similar things happen in the future, they will definitely not become vicious incidents.
In fact, dealing with the problem of children lying also reflects a realistic problem of education: we are used to labeling children’s behaviors with either black or white thinking.
As parents, of course, we all want our children to be perfect, but this is an unrealistic fantasy after all. We adults are full of loopholes. How can children be perfect?
Dr. Clove thinks: “Do not do to others what you do not want to do to yourself”, which is also an educational motto.