As we said earlier, the core performance of low self-esteem is to pay special attention to other people’s evaluation. All the efforts made together are to be recognized by others and have no principles.
This is the [source of negative energy] for people with low self-esteem. In order to eliminate this small flame of negative energy, what can we do about what?
Learn to say no to others
Helping others is a good thing, but are you really happy after every helping act aimed at pleasing others? If the answer is no, then bravely say [no]. If you cannot refuse directly, try the following three methods:
Explain the reasons why you cannot help, such as traveling with your children on weekends.
Provide other resources that may solve the problem. For example, Xiao Zhang is good at this area and can provide more help.
Delay help time.
The consequences we envisage [causing others to look down on or dislike themselves because they refuse their requests] are actually untrue.
You will find that the other party’s acceptance is not as bad as you think.
Try to say no to yourself
People should not only have the right to say no to others, but also sometimes have the right to say no to themselves.
I may not be beautiful, may not be smart, may not be humorous, may not be diligent. If you want to rely on external standards and maintain your high self-esteem, you can only fall into pain and entanglements.
Try this exercise:
Find 10 family members, friends and colleagues who have more contact with themselves, and let them write one of your most outstanding advantages. Take a look. All have what.
Well, [one excellence covers all ugliness], choose the three aspects that everyone has mentioned most, and pay attention to cultivation and exertion. These three ability values are your own exclusive coordinates and your appearance that everyone will remember in the future.
Feel successful in tasks within your power.
It should be pointed out that what makes people with low self-esteem feel uncomfortable is not their own actual abilities, but their low evaluation of their own abilities.
It may be a good way to regain the sense of control over life by successfully completing tasks within one’s power.
First of all, the best choice is to find tasks that mainly rely on personal ability and can give full play to personal expertise. Too much reliance on the ability to deal with interpersonal relationships will only make people with low self-esteem more frustrated.
Returning to the previous exercise: Flip through the list of advantages your friends have given you to see that they have all written about what?
- The handwriting is very beautiful-will it be a surprise to send a carefully designed handwritten greeting card on holidays or other people’s birthdays? The cooking is excellent-don’t eat out for the next dinner, invite friends to eat at home! The style of writing is great-why not try to set up your own blog to write regular updates, or contribute to a magazine to feel the happiness of [the writer]? … …
If the people around you have low self-esteem…
If you have a friend with low self-esteem, perhaps you will say this:
No, no, no, don’t say anything about it.
[Honey of a, Arsenic of B], this is the most accurate way to describe the positive encouragement that people with low self-esteem often receive.
Think about it, if you are crying for your boyfriend who left you, and your friend comes to you and says, “Hey, don’t cry, it’s a big deal for what, just find a better one later”, are you in a better mood?
[Depression-Encouragement] The model is of course full of love and kindness, but what he really needs may be your sympathy and understanding.
1. At this time, silence is better than sound.
Telling is what they need most, while listening and companionship are the best placebo.
They usually don’t express their views in front of others, so it is good to listen quietly to the voice of their hearts at this time.
One [I understand] or [I know you must be sad] is worth a thousand words.
2. Sincerity is the most effective chicken soup.
Direct incentives have little effect and even make friends with low self-esteem feel worse.
- On the one hand, we should confirm the difficulties they are facing and affirm that their current negative emotions can convey to them the idea that such negative feelings, behaviors and responses are normal, reasonable and appropriate. On the other hand, timely praise and encouragement are also necessary, especially when low self-esteem people show willingness to change but are still in the swing period of hesitation and doubt, a compliment of [feeling + fact + comparison] may become a [divine assist] for their growth.
Not so much [you are really careful] as [I think you are doing it very carefully (feeling). You not only take photos for us, but also send everyone’s photos to everyone’s email (fact) separately. I didn’t think so thoughtfully (contrast)]-the encouragement of wandering is the most touching.
3. Correct Posture for Children with Low Self-esteem
As parents and teachers, when they or their classes have children with low self-esteem, they should pay attention to: the sources of low self-esteem are often complicated and intertwined. For children at the school stage, sometimes low self-esteem is closely related to their poor academic performance.
Poor grades make them frustrated, frustrated, disappointed and even anxious. If allowed to develop, it may affect their mental development and perfection.
Therefore, it is an effective way to overcome low self-esteem by taking subjects that are relatively good at or interested in as breakthrough points to help them improve their learning methods and attitudes, improve their academic performance and enhance their confidence.