Correct the name of depression: all happiness that does not face pain is hooliganism.

Recently, people often come to ask me if I can share some psychological related topics. Every time I happily agree, I say that I will share the theme of [depression]. The organizer always looks reluctant and asks: Can you talk about something positive and energetic? I feel awkward, Because in fact, I personally think that among the many psychologically related topics, The so-called [depression] and [unhappiness], Is the most [positive energy] and light. So, I always want to give [depression] a good name, to spin silk from cocoons, See its value. Outstanding people, When I was in college, It is also popular to write letters by hand. Every time I write a letter, I greet each other with my friends: Have you had a good time, have you had a good time? Before going abroad, I never knew [unhappy] was what what meant, I always start with this greeting, Right to be polite. Until I go abroad, With the feeling of depression, [Happy] and [Unhappy] really entered my consciousness. I have been struggling with my [unhappy] for quite a long time. Until I saw such a sentence, I was relieved: Hey, I have the potential to be a genius. [PS position] and [D position] jokes are jokes. Looking back on every [depression] attack I have, They all bring incomparable value. We don’t talk about clinical diagnosis of [depression], let’s talk about the value of [unhappiness]. There is a psychoanalytic predecessor, Melanie Klein. She is the founder of the object relationship theory, and she proposed that people have two special positions in psychology: PS position (paranoid-schizoid position), which is paranoid split position; D position (passive position), Is the depression position. There is something very complicated behind this theory. Not fine. But I’d like to borrow her [PS position] and [D position], Let’s talk about the value of depression. My story first let me tell a story of my own. When I was in college, I didn’t study hard. Every time I almost couldn’t get a scholarship. Every time I went to see my teacher, I told her: I only spent one night reading, so I didn’t do well in the exam. If I spent a week reading, it would be no problem. Until one day, my teacher told me, Jane, do you know, you always told me that you didn’t have enough time to prepare? But I think, You are simply afraid of failure, You are afraid that you will not be able to pass the exam after reviewing for a week. So I made such an excuse for myself. The teacher’s words were like a blow to the head. Because what she said was right, What I dare not face is my fear of failure. So, after she said this, I had to face my own fear and cowardice. As you can imagine, before I rose up, I fell into a long period of thinking and unhappiness. I moved from my own PS position to D position. What does what mean? My supervisor explained this: [If] after that, is it really okay? The story above, You may find it familiar. I’ve been a consultant for so many years, Visitors will enter the consultation room with beautified questions every time. TA people will say, If my child obeys, it will be all right. If my husband changes his mind, he’ll be fine, If I pass the exam, I’ll be fine, If I get along well with the leaders, I’ll be fine, I’ll be fine if I find a girlfriend. When I was a counselor, You will fall into TA’s trap, Really help him deal with these practical problems. Then you find out, The question is settled, The next question comes again. When you don’t really face the real problems behind PS’s appearance, Life is always like a little friend with your hide-and-seek, There is no end to it. You must accompany the visitor, Together, in due course, Leaving the beautified PS position, Get up and walk to position D. Find your [position D] In position D, You begin to face [the truth]. The translation of the D position standard is the depressed position. You begin to think about your behavior, your motives, and you have to face your fragility, loneliness, cowardice, fear, etc. You begin to think constantly and almost inevitably fall into [depression]. So I said, when a person falls into [depression], he is very brave. Stay in PS position, may be very agitated, but it is not frightening or sad. And when one really starts to think, Facing his own darkness, Is very brave. Not everyone can do this. However, One does not have to always be in the D position. It should be emphasized that, PS this beautiful position is meaningful, Because it can protect ourselves when we are not ready, Free from the truth. You can go back to the PS position to breathe at any time. Or hold your breath again, Complete the whole [mourning] (mourning your loss, Such as time, childhood, love or work that you can no longer get, Beyond the D position. Beyond your D position. Klein is in one of her books. Told a story about Miss A. Miss A’s son was killed in the accident. She was very sad. She had two dreams before and after. In the first dream, She went into her son’s room, Make up the bed and desk for his son, It’s like my son is still alive. In the second dream, She came to a lake, Her son was in the middle of the lake, Shout to her loudly: [Mom, Mom, Help me]. She stood by the lake, Turned his head and left. In the first dream, It was a beautified location. The pain was too great, And the mourning has not yet been completed, Therefore, she needs to beautify the pain: The son is still alive, He will come back. In the second dream, She passed the D position, Having completed the mourning process, She expressed it with actions: You’re gone, And I’m still alive, I will continue to live. This plot should be familiar to everyone. There is also such a story in Inception. The hero has refused to face the death of his wife. Until the end, His wife begged him not to leave, He took the elevator out of the world below, He said, You’re dead, And I want to continue my life. At the end of the story, He left the illusion of indulgence. The process of crossing the D position was accompanied by pain, so, Receive psychological counseling, Not a particularly wonderful process, It is a very hard process that requires patience and courage. Because you have to face your depression and darkness. When I was younger, I was idealistic. Will describe counseling as a warm and wonderful process. In fact, The older I get, the more I feel it is not. This is a very hard process, because you must allow your consultant to sink with you and face those dark positions. A few years ago, my supervisor said that in the dark place of position D, there is a big light. I especially can’t understand, I said in this depressed dark place, why is there a big light? The supervisor felt unable to answer me, Just say, you will know as soon as you do it. Later, I slowly understood the process. But there is still no way to describe it in words. The closest language is probably: You can see the deepest strength and courage of yourself and others in the dark. This gives you real and steadfast confidence and hope. Let you carry the expectation and fear of the unknown, Singing on the road. My other story ends with a story of my own. I told a supervisor about a visitor of my own in a steering group. Every time the visitor came to me to tell me about his predicament, I sat opposite him as if listening to my predicament. His loneliness, his sadness, his hopelessness, his description of his daily life, the clock ticking, like another me living in another space. During the discussion, another consultant in the group asked me: “He looks so good, why is he” desperate “? ] I was dumb, Think: They really don’t know him. The supervisor turned to him and said: [Look, Jane, You see how graceful she is, Maybe she was sad, Even desperate. Does she look good or not, It has nothing to do with her inner feelings. It has nothing to do with it. This is everyone’s homework. Everyone has to face his own darkness in the end. Even if you are the healer of all people. You always think that you need to rely on the strength of others. But in the end you can still rely on your own strength. At last you can see the light from the darkness. Darwin said that sometimes it is sadness that guides us to do the most beneficial action like the instinct of animals to seek benefits and avoid disadvantages. Darwin is another kind of light. Finally, I wish you courage and always surpass your D position to see the light in the darkness. Responsible Editor: Ding Ruoshui