Do you have such sensible and obedient children around you?
They always take their parents’ instructions as the highest instructions. Learning cow force, knowing how to save money, being honest forever, giving parents a long face, love and marriage are mainly based on parents’ ideas…
Seemingly clever and sensible, such children dare not express their true thoughts from an early age.
When they grow up, some will become indifferent, selfish, anxious about gain and loss, and even violent.
In this society that pursues the realization of self-worth, what we really need is what? It’s independent thinking.
From this perspective, the better the child, the more worrying he will be when he grows up.
Children who are too good are prone to psychological problems.
The title of “Good Child” is the highest praise for children in the eyes of most adults.
Some sensitive and precocious children are willing to suppress their real feelings in order to make good looks to please adults.
When most good children grow up, they become [bad good people] who do not know how to refuse others, which will make them tired.
Many psychological consultants feel this way. Many children who are very good when they are young have more psychological problems when they grow up.
As a child, a good child is accustomed to satisfying the wishes of others and gaining the affirmation of others as the leading factor in his life. He loses the voice of expressing himself, ignores his real needs, is depressed and miserable.
There is a saying in < < Old Tang Book > >: [Father has advice and son does not lose his family.] Advocacy, dare to speak out and remonstrate directly. A child who dares to express his true thoughts is valuable. However, a parent who strives to give his children freedom to express himself is honorable. As Long Yingtai said, “What we need is to give our children a pair of wings to fly, and we are the eyes of the earth that silently look at them.”
Too good a child cannot stand on his own feet.
[You cut off his wings, but you want him to fly.] In modern family education, many parents will make a mistake: their children are accessories of their lives and have the right to interfere in and even dominate their lives.
When I was a child, adults were afraid that their children would fall down and get injured, so they would guide and help their children’s behavior. In the rebellious period of youth, there is a conflict between parents and their children’s behavioral consciousness. If parents still discipline their children with the mentality of “former people”, they will often receive the opposite effect.
Over time, these children who have been trained to be good have gradually become a [good] student who never asks questions, a [good] employee who only works in Nuo Nuo, and a [Mama Baonan] who is emotionally arranged by his mother…
From this perspective, we are not in favor of eccentric people, but we must accept the discrepancy between children and our thoughts.
The wheels of society keep moving forward. Children’s world is a product of innovation and change. Is it reasonable that we cannot keep up with their pace?
Perhaps, we should change our angle, take children as teachers, and bring me closer to reality through them.
Too good a child cannot adapt to the changeable society.
With the development of the times and the renewal of everything, many elders have gradually lost their vision to the younger generation and even need to learn from the younger generation. However, many parents still hold the view of taking an examination of civil servants and other iron rice bowls, saying that the system is equal to protection.
However, by contrast, I do not know how many children who worked as civil servants or went to large state-owned enterprises such as oil and gas are suffering from inefficient bureaucracy or experiencing oil and gas depression and layoffs.
On the contrary, those children who used to be “bad” came to Zhongguancun, Shenzhen and other places to set up stalls and do business, seizing the market opportunities. They have leapt from the “bad children” in the eyes of their parents to become contemporary trend leaders.
In this era of rapid renewal, [good boy] is no longer a commendatory word.
The child is not good, but it is normal performance.
Sometimes, the child’s performance is not good, but the normal performance of psychological development.
There is a word called “terribly two” in English, which refers to the rebellious period when children are two years old. When babies reach the age of two, they will produce all kinds of bad behaviors, especially saying “no”. Even good babies who are clever and sensible will become “rebellious” when they are two years old.
In fact, this is exactly the sign that the baby refuses to rely on and grows independently! At this stage, the baby will develop [autonomy], which has laid a solid foundation for his ability to explore the wider world in the future.
Not just 2 years old, at any age, when a child says [no] to you, expresses his or her thoughts, or takes actions he or she likes, it may be a sign of developing [autonomy]. Therefore, please do not use your authority as a parent to suppress your child at any time.
If parents are too strict and their children’s desire for autonomy is suppressed, various problems will arise, either they will become indecisive in what’s affairs, or they will become more rebellious after entering puberty. At the same time, too much suppression of children’s autonomy development will also affect the establishment of children’s self-confidence.
Don’t want your children to become [soft persimmons], then let go at the right time and let them choose for themselves.
Let go of your hands and cultivate your children’s ability to think independently.
Children who have been strictly disciplined by the concept of “good” for a long time have terrible youth and composure.
Long Yingtai said: [There is a big problem for Chinese parents to raise their children, that is, there are too many interventions, too many inquiries, too many arranged substitutes, and too little left for their children to do by themselves.] Even if a child grows up physically as an adult, he always needs a [crutch] that can be supported and relied on at all times.
Parental support, It should be gentle, not all of them are arranged, not to kill all the bad and wrong things you think. Green comes from blue and is better than blue. Cultivate children’s correct views of right and wrong, good and evil, respect children’s ideas, prevent children from indulging in the expectations of others, do not compare with others, do not be snobbish, and let children become people who can think and live independently.
This kind of support can truly endow the soul into the child’s life.