These ten words, the examinee’s parents must not say…?

In a few days, it will be the annual college entrance examination war. Candidates are making final preparations for this important examination, and parents are not idle.

Open the news, We can see various versions of the “Must-read Manual for Parents of Candidates”, “Guide for Parents of Candidates to Take the Examination”, “Precautions for Parents Before and After the College Entrance Examination” and so on circulating on TV and on the Internet. These manuals guide parents on how to create a harmonious family atmosphere before the exam, help the examinees adjust their work and rest, and ensure the balanced nutrition of the examinees … (Well, it seems to be saying that Dr. Clove himself …)

Even parents should be very careful in their wording. Some people have listed the following ten taboos before the exam:

  1. Come on! Mom and Dad are waiting for you to return successfully!

  2. I wish you success!

  3. Remember your goal, success or failure depends on it!

  4. Our children’s results in the model test returned to excellent, and the teachers all said that there was no problem in the test of Peking University in Tsinghua.

  5. Look at the questions carefully and answer them carefully. Don’t make any big omissions and try to get more points.

  6. Now it is time to test your review. You must grasp it well.

  7. Hold on a little longer, finish the test well, and you and your parents will be liberated.

  8. As a human being, I don’t believe my children are worse than others.

  9. Mom and Dad worked so hard for you. You must be brilliant and promising.

  10. Mom and Dad won’t blame you for failing the exam. We will review again next year.

Why are these words listed as taboos?

The general reason is that if parents order these words, I’m afraid it will add pressure to the already nervous examinees, cause resentment, or create the illusion that “you only care about the results, not me”.

There is some truth in not encouraging parents to say these words, but it is a bit extreme to list them as taboos.

Propaganda Bombing Makes Parents Anxiety

In fact, for most examinees, even if they are sensitive and fragile before the exam, they still have certain psychological endurance. Parents said what, but it will not have a great impact on the examinees.

On the contrary, publicizing such views will actually have a great impact on parents…

Just imagine, when you are with your children, you have to think before talking that I want to say what, not what… will this make you extremely anxious?

In fact, it is not only the parents of high school candidates, but also some parents will fall into a state of anxiety earlier than their children as long as they encounter examinations or competitions.

On the one hand, we are afraid that our children will not be able to do well, on the other hand, we are afraid that we will not take good care of them enough. Especially when the children themselves do not care too much, parents often have a feeling of humbling [the emperor is not in a hurry, the eunuch is in a hurry], which is especially easy to go mad.

How can parents [not be anxious]?

Teachers and experts are all advising parents [to help their children create a relaxed atmosphere with common heart], but common heart is easier said than done.

Here, Dr. Clove will introduce an important concept to you, called [acceptance].

1. Accept [I am not a omnipotent parent]

Our parents always hope that their children can perform well in all aspects, especially in their studies, so that they will have a good future and have the right to choose their lives.

However, the performance of children is beyond parents’ control.

Anxiety arises when faced with uncontrollable events.

At this time, what we have to do is not to try our best to control the children (because this is impossible at all), but to change our thinking of controlling the children.

You know, the child’s future path is unknown, nor can it be decided as a parent. You can try your best to provide him with learning conditions and urge him to work hard at ordinary times, but when he should work hard, let him work hard.

Being a qualified parent also accepts that you are an imperfect parent.

2. Accept [children are imperfect children]

For a child, he has his own goals and his own ways to achieve them. Of course, sometimes he is lazy and makes mistakes.

However, what children want most is actually the unconditional and positive attention of parents, that is, unconditional warmth and acceptance of themselves, not to make too many evaluations and demands, especially-not to evaluate the value of their whole people by their academic performance.

Accept yourself, is an imperfect child.

3. Accept yourself [just hope you do well in the exam]

People are very sensitive. Even if we pretend that we don’t care at all, we are cautious and cautious in words, careful and careful, but your body language, your eyes and expressions are always telling him: I hope you do well in the exam!

This virtually brings pressure to both sides.

Only when we truly accept ourselves as an imperfect parent, accept our children as imperfect children, and know that no matter what the result is, he is my child and I love him as well, this is the [common heart].

What if I can’t bear it? Just say it both inside and outside… After so many years, the child has already got used to it, and it is not bad for these days…