When a child cries, his parents are flustered. What can I do?

Many parents are very afraid of their children crying, and their children are upset when they cry.

On the surface, although they all cry, the reasons (emotions) for children to cry are different: they cry when they are sad, when they are helpless, when they cry when they are in pain, when they are wronged, of course they cry, and when they don’t scratch, they cry even more…

Some parents are extremely anxious when they see their children crying. They cannot help scolding their children, shaking them hard or even beating them. What’s more, some parents will cry even more…

The following are some typical mentality of parents:

    Children cry because of [bad] emotions. Children should get rid of [negative] emotions as soon as possible. Children cry, making parents feel very painful, parents don’t want to face their own [negative] emotions; Children crying is a sign of weakness. Children always cry, cry and coax, coax and don’t cry, which makes parents worry that their children will form the psychology of “crying and can …”, which is also one of the greatest demons of contemporary parents. When the child cried, the parents were worried about their face in front of outsiders and were thought of [how did this person become a parent].

So, in the face of crying children, what is the right thing for parents to do?

Crying is just an expression of emotion

Crying is the most common and intense way for children to express their emotions.

This is because their language expression ability is limited and they cannot accurately express their real psychological demands.

Emotions and desires are human nature. Even if we see a person’s emotions have [problems], such as irritability and depression, it is not always possible to solve the problem just by being busy dealing with the emotions themselves. Emotions are only [information intermediaries], and behind them are our ideas, beliefs and minds, which are often closely related to the environment in which we grew up.

Modern psychology holds that both [positive] and [negative] emotions are a highly generalized [label] of our emotional brain on the things that need us to deal with at present.

For example, when we are attacked:

    Anger drives us to fight back and protect our territory. Sadness helps us recover from major losses. Under the feeling of injustice, we often cry, thus transmitting the information that we have been treated unfairly and that we are powerless.

In the real world, as we grow older, we have to suppress more and more emotions, which will lead to a backlog of emotions, and the fatigue it brings will precipitate into deeper depression. Because of the habitual suppression and disregard of emotions, we often forget the exact cause of certain emotions before, which will bring anxiety and uneasiness.

If parents always have a hostile and repressive attitude towards their [negative] emotions, then when their own pain is triggered by their children’s emotions, the first reaction is naturally to [mute]-parents feel pain when their children cry, and in order not to suffer, then only let the children not cry.

Some methods of psychotherapy are only aimed at specific behaviors of people expressing emotions. Their scope of application is relatively limited and can only solve simple problems. If the demands behind the emotions are deep-seated, such as children’s lack of parental care, lack of sense of belonging in school, lack of sense of accomplishment, etc., simply contain emotions, it may poison the intimate relationship between parents and children and cannot meet the deep-seated needs of children.

Children cry, unreasonable, the fault may lie with parents

Parents must be familiar with this scene: